The Definition of Entertainment and Questions to Ponder

Entertainment: sitting in a gay sports bar (the fabulous Nellie’s in Washington DC, located at 9th and U), having left the DC Red Dress Run, with smack talking Florida and USC fans.

PS…Thanks, Coaches’ wives.

PPS…Les, I doubt ye no more.

 Other questions to ponder from this most magnificent weekend:

Is Karl Dorrell the worst coach in college football?

Is USC the Randy Moss of Division I (or whatever it’s called now)? Sometimes, the Trojans just don’t feel like playing?

 Can I give Jim Harbaugh a big hug?

Is Jacob Hester done with his ice bath, and finished being attended to by several lovely LSU coeds? (And seriously ya’ll, his significant other ought to give him a big pass for Saturday night.)

Will Gainesville authorities now take Tony Joiner back into custody?

Can I give Jim Harbaugh a big hug?

Who was that team playing Georgia in Knoxville this weekend? And why have they just shown up?

Is Brian Kelly still at Cincinnati this time next year?

What is a Bearcat?

How will the media conspiracy market a Big East where the top teams are a basketball school that’s not such a basketball school anymore, and a team that didn’t exist twelve years ago?

The Big 12 North: It’s not for breakfast anymore (not a question, I know, but this is my dictatorship).

Can Clemson ever put a whole season together?

(Just threw that in there for more entertainment)

When will Pyrite Dom boosters start demanding that their team be ranked in the Top 25 and be in the Top 12 for the Harris Poll?

Can someone in the Big Ten Plus One step up and take out Mr. Sweater Vest?

Should I knock the Pac-2 back down to the Pac 1.5, at least for this week? (The answer to that question is “yes.”)

Can we all get together and put some love behind Boston College this week?

That is all.

Love, MLBGG

A Letter to Three Wives

Miss Kathy, this is going to be a tough week for you and Miss Maren, and Miss Mary Pat. You may notice a feeling akin to hysteria, just bubbling beneath in Baton Rouge. That hysteria will explode at 7:28 CDT, but for the next week, will simply be a building cauldron of tension in which ya’ll will get to take a dip.

 I know that ya’ll have been at LSU for some time (except for you, Miss Maren. I know you were at La Tech, but south Louisiana is a little different from there), but there’s probably something going on like you’ve never experienced. LSU is (can’t say it out loud) for the first time since before many of us were born, and with the season going the way it has, LSU fans see something crystal glimmering in the horizon.  The possibility of just seeing that holy grail is making us all a bit crazy, and you and your husbands will be the unfortunate recipients of that insanity, whether it takes the form of tailgaters setting up now for Saturday, or insane blog posts written half a continent away. So I want to apologize to you now.  There’s no other way to put it. This week is gonna suck for you (and please, take out Miss Cindy, and treat her to some gin and tonics, or couple of bottles of red wine. She’d better be lonely this week after her husband’s line gave up six sacks to Tulane. Actually, ya’ll should all probably head to someone’s house for some red wine. I find it tends to help all problems.)

Unfortunately, there is an evil force in the way of the shimmering prize end of the the tunnel, and we, Tiger Nation, need the help, nay, the single minded devotion, committment and sacrifice of your husbands to defeat it:

(Of course, there is also (REDACTED) and his four million pieces of silver; a salt and pepper headed windbag on the west coast who can only get his team up some of the time; The Darren McFadden Experience; the Team That has (f*ck) Urban Meyer’s number; Randy Sanders and his new project/ future first round draft pick; and another possible meeting with the same evil force, but one dragon at a time, eh?)

This week, and the remainder of this season, we need your husbands more than you do.  You can have them back January 8, 2008.

(And remember, the better they do this season, the sooner ya’ll can move, and get back to more civilized, more boring fans who won’t write you open letters.)

Sincerely, the Mean Lil’ Black and Gold Girl.