Archive for September, 2007

They’re out to get ya

September 30, 2007

The new AP Poll is out, as is the USA Today Poll. Because I am extremely supersitious, I will not address which team is number 1 in the AP poll as we approach the battle against an evil force residing on a peninsula on the Atlantic coast.

South Florida is #6 in the AP. WVU is #13.  Florida and OU are both ahead of the Mountaineers.

An Open Letter to Coach Miles

September 30, 2007

Dear Les:

I have watched the Les Miles Era unfold at LSU with a mixture of weeping, headaches, stomach aches, angry text messages, drunken rants, lost bets, and the occasional sublime moment. (The 2007 Sugar Bowl will always remain in my heart.) As your official LSU bio suggests, your success has been notable: 22-4, impressive victories in the Peach and Sugar Bowls, etc, etc, yada, yada, and oh yeah, having your football stadium and facilities being turned into a refugee camp and dealing with slightly distracted players in the fall of your first season.  You talked a 2-loss LSU into a BCS game last year, and sent four fine young men into the first round of the NFL Draft.

However, Les, along with the high points, there have been some terrible lows. Most saner LSU fans will give you a pass for the collapse against Tennessee in 2005. That team was emotionally and physically exhausted. The epic loss 7-3 against Auburn last year? That sucked, but that was one of the hardest hitting, most ridiculously brutal football games that I have ever been privileged to watch.  Almost losing to Ole Miss last year? Questionable, but it was an almost.  The terrible loss in The Swamp last year? Yeesh. The offense fell apart. However, as (f*ck) Florida did end up winning the national championship last year, you get another pass on that. 

However, I think I can speak for all LSU fans when I tell you that the era of your free passes is over and done with.

Don’t f*ck this up.

 Sincerely, the Mean Lil’ Black and Gold Girl

Thank You for Playing

September 30, 2007

What a weekend, folks. Where to begin, where to begin. Oh, wait.

Florida's Jarred Fayson has a pass go off his hands.

That’s a great place.

I watched the last few minutes of that game on my knees, shrieking for Wes Bynum to hit make his field goal, and leapt in joyous celebration when his second kick was true. (I wonder if any freshman in the history of Auburn has gotten more a&& than Mr. Bynum. I sincerely doubt it. He’s probably still got an entire sorority in his dorm room. ) And how Brandon Cox managed to flat out play the best game (at the Swamp, for gosshakes) he’s played since he was named starter is beyond me. Oh, wait. Tommy Tuberville is a great coach. When the boosters finally get rid of him, I’m sure he’ll have a job really quickly. (Speaking of Coach Tuberville, he’s aged about 30 years since he came to Auburn. I remember when he looked relatively young. But I guess that the constant threat of being fired will do that to you.)

Oh, and this game is yet another reason why Phil Fulmer should be ashamed of the coaching he’s done this year. Good coaches don’t let the 18 to 22 year old kids in their charge roll over and die.

Tomorrow, I’ll go back to disdaining/ hating Auburn, but for today, the Auburn Tigers are my second favorite team in all of college football.  Speaking of that, here’s a lil something for all the Tigers (and Miami Dolphins fans) out there in MLBGG land:

That was of course, the was the second best win of the day, given that (f*ck) Florida lost.  Fans of the fighting (REDACTED) are wondering how it all could have gone so terribly wrong, and when the national championship that is their birthright will finally come back.

 It was definitely upset Saturday. Texas finally got that case of the Mack Brown I discussed in an earlier post, which manifested itself a total lack of special teams play.  This caused my friend John Taylor to consume a great deal of Jack Daniels in an effort to blot out the existance of _________, which, in his honor, will be referred to as __________ in this blog for the remainder of the year.  If you need a clue, Bob Huggins coached basketball there before coming to West Virginia this year. Oklahoma played a team from a BCS conference, and lost (at least Oklahoma was at Colorado). LSU came out flat (it is very distressing to get a text message saying Tulane 9, LSU 7 when shopping), and Matt Flynn played horribly, but the defense came through, turning what could have been a F*CKING DISASTER into something resembling a blowout. PHEW (And who is Charles Scott? How many running backs do my Tigers have?) .  The Pyrite Dome continued it’s suckitude, which of course, makes me happy. USC barely escaped an inspired Husky team.   Clemson looks like it’s beginning the annual downward spiral, while Penn State is looking like it was delightfully overrated.  Coach Paterno, it may be time for you to retire, as you were apparently outcoached by Ron Zook.  Boston College, perhaps the class of the ACC, struggled with UMass. ( I frankly wasn’t aware that UMass had a football program). It was a crazy, nutty weekend, and I don’t know how next weekend can top it.*

*You may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned any schools from a certain conference that is moving up to surpass and overtake the SEC (75 years of kicking your ass, and counting) as the premier conference in all of college football.  I could talk about how the Big East went from four legitimate Heisman contenders to none in two weeks.   I could go on and on and on about how when Rutgers finally faced a team not consisting of midshipmen or 215 pound offensive linemen, they folded, allowing 20 second points at home, to a team playing with its backup quarteback. I could go through Pitt’s loss to Virginia (which lost to Wyoming) in excruciating detail. I could talk about how, one week after opening a can of whoop-ass on former national title contender Louisville, Syracuse ran into a MAC school that played some defense, and lost.  And of course, the other former national championship contender and Big East marquee team played a team that played and beat someone (and by someone, I mean the SEC West team that beat the defending national champions last night), and lost for the second year in a row to a program that didn’t exist twelve years ago.  Wait, maybe I could mention how the other top team in the Big East is famous for basketball and thuggish JUCO players with 0.0 GPAs. (UConn is 5-0, but I am applying what I will call the “Rutgers Rule,” and evaluate them when they play Virginia in two weeks. They did manage to beat down Duke and Pitt).

No, instead of going into all those details,  I’ve just opted for the following:

Your conference representative in the Orange Bowl will likely be a program that did not exist 12 years ago. 

Thank you for playing, Big East.

Watch this blog for in depth coverage of the Big Ten Plus One Pillow Fight of the Year:  Minnesota at Northwestern on October 13, 2007! Watch how two teams from the Big Ten will combine for ten turnovers, yet still manage 80 points and one thousand yards of offense between them.

Also, it’s looking like I’ll have to review the PAC-2 (Cal earned it’s .5 at Autzen Stadium.)

The Phil Fulmer Farewell Tour 2007

September 29, 2007

From Thomas the Terrible, at Your Mother Slept with Wilt Chamberlain

A little something for Rocky T*ts

September 29, 2007

Third Saturday in Blogtober.

You know who’ll I’ll be cheering for. Traitorous B*stard.

The Road to the Orange Bowl goes through Raymond James: Friday Night Liveblog

September 29, 2007

Yo. Since I went out last night, I am staying in this evening, and watching the WVU-USF game at home.  I’ve got everything I need: wine, cheese and wine and cheese.  I am ready.  I am in contact with the Queen Bee, West Virginia resident, hostess with the mostest, mother of Jack “My baseball” Bailey and Vanderbilt alumnus. I expect texts from the Insouciant Truth.

7:37 pm: the senile dude is talking, so he may be saying that makes sense, but I seriously doubt it. Now Mark May is talking. He is picking WVU, basically saying that the Mountaineers have too many weapons.

7:38: I just changed to “Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team 2.” Coverage of the first quarter will be somewhat limited, because this is the first episode of the girls at training camp. I’m hooked on this show. One of the rookie candidates this year is deaf.  She made the evil dance instructor cry when she did her solo dance.

8:15: the heaviest girl at the DCC training camp weighs 138 pounds.  Yeesh.

WVU was stopped on the first drive. There is obviously a lot of excitement in Tampa. The best way for the Moutaineers to take out that excitement is to score two touchdowns in rather rapid fashion. The longer the crowd is in it, the longer the Bulls will be.

First turnover of the game by South Florida. WVU recovers. The Mountaineers get nothing despite the short field. Coach Rod looks like he’s aboout to stroke out.  The Bulls have the ball back, and are driving.

That may have been the worst pass I have ever seen. That includes the QB from Mississippi State.  USF 7, WVU 0.  As of this time, I don’t want to hear anything about low scores in the SEC being a result of bad offense, and how SEC offense is downright boring compared to the scillintilating Big East.  This season’s premier Big East teams have combined for five turnovers in one quarter.

Can we say “blown coverage” and “poor tackling”? USF 14, WVU 0.  I read that Coach Rod’s philosophy was to keep his best athletes on offense. That’s perfectly clear from that last touchdown.  (Of course, at LSU, the kicker can score a 15 yard touchdown, and the defensive tackles run the 4X100 in high school. Matt Flynn is probably the worst athlete of the 22 starters. If (f*ck) Florida does the unthinkable, and ends up facing WVU in some BCS bowl, assuming the Mountaineers win tonight, Tim Tebow would have 250 yards rushing.)

Oops. That drive didn’t end well for WVU. FOUR turnovers? In one quarter? WVU’s on pace to beat Mississippi State’s numbers against LSU.  Well, that drive didn’t end well for USF. FOUR turnovers? Boy, this is some quality Big East offense. I feel privileged to be watching. This is an ESPN instant classic, for sure. EIGHT turnovers with six minutes to go in the first half.  No texts from The Truth yet.

But still, I can hear the sounds of jets firing up in Knoxville and Auburn, heading for Tampa.

Uh oh. Pat White is limping. My Mountaineer boosters had best hope they can inject that with something and tape it up.

I don’t know what kind of snap that was.  So much for the touchdown chance. I would love to be in the that locker room at halftime. Coach Rod seriously does look like he will stroke out.

I just heard a commercial praising the “four Heisman candidates from the Big East.” Um, no. The Big East lost one when Louisville lost to Syracuse, following the loss to perennial SEC football doormat Kentucky.  And if some things don’t happen very differently in the second half, the Big East will be down to one. And his team still hasn’t played a game against a real opponent.  Ya’ll KNOW how much I HATE to say this, but (f*ck) Fliorida has the front runner for the Heisman right now, and if (f*ck) Florida wins next weekend (please, L*rd, Shiva and the Furies, you owe us), I’d hand the hardware to Tebow on the Eye of the Tiger.  And the Heisman trophy “the most revered of all trophies,” which it is? Please.  Much like when Milli Vanilli won a Grammy for best new artist, the Heisman hurt its credibility when Gino Toretta was declared the best football player in the nation that year.  And Jason White (2003 award winner, who had his bell rung in the only national championship game that was played that year, Trojan fans)? Puh-leeeze.  Speaking of greatest players, I checked a list of greatest college players by team on Texas’s final two were Vince Young and Earl Campbell. It is a testament to the power of Earl Campbell’s legacy that he didn’t lose to Vince Young by that much, despite the fact he was in a Texas uniform thirty years ago.  Just a little side note. I was always an Earl Campbell fan. Thought I’d talk about it.

But seriously, I’d like for WVU to still be a top 5 team when I arrive in Morgantown on October 20th. No texts from The Truth as of yet.

John Taylor for Arlington County President! Heck, John Taylor for PRESIDENT. Mr. Taylor’s team has a big game next weekend, as does mine.  It will be fun to watch at least some of it with him in a red dress. ( Most of you have no idea what that means, but it amuses me immensely.  The soon-to-be Mrs. Taylor would be a proud member of the RWA (Red Wine Association). My West Virginia people would love her, except for her slight Virginia Tech obsession. She’s a fab lady.)

Um, that was probably not the way to start off the second half.  But again, South Florida has played a big-time team in a big time atmosphere.

Apparently, Pat White is not coming back out. 21-6, USF.

Go AUBURN! (If not a victory, at least a high ankle sprain for Tebow.) More on the Florida offense (Tebow). He has an 890 SAT. He is a running quarterback. His first instinct is to pull the ball down and run. He had 20-something carries last week and ran for two touchdowns against Ole Miss.   Last year, he played when (f*ck) Florida needed a a mobile threat under center.  And he’s white.  Hallelujah!  Things done changed!

WVU has 12 minutes to keep from going to the Gator Bowl, and the Big East has 12 minutes left of three Heisman candidates.

The Big East is down to one Heisman candidate.  Final score 21-13, University of South Florida.

I am not picking against South Florida for the rest of the season. The new Big East Game of the Year is South Florida-Cincinnati.

I just heard the Volunteer Booster Gulfstream passing over my apartment. That Jim Leavitt is some kind of coach. From nothing to a BCS conference contender in eleven years…imagine what he could do with say a team with decades of tradition, and a stadium seating over 100,000 (or 92, 000, if Michigan does not win the Big Ten and Coach Miles heads to up Ann Arbor.)

From The Insouciant Truth: “USF is the best call in the handgun state and the Big East.”

(You know I love ya’ll. I’ll get the new Insouciant Princess some WVU related gear.)

I’m out.  XOXO, MLBGG

Conclusive Proof the Big Ten Sucks (heh heh heh heh)

September 26, 2007

Does anyone think Matt Flynn ever had to pay for it when he was third string?

Or that the third string Mountaineer running back has to spend money to get some?

Did John David Booty have to cruise down Sunset Boulevard  for a little something as he waited for Matt Leinart to leave?

And what kind of boosters would have their boys only able to allow $20 crack wh*res?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you  The Ohio State University:

Volunteers: Ya’ll Should Have Picked the Right Goat

September 26, 2007

Um, just wanted to let you know, in case you were unaware, that the Kentucky Wildcats’ quartebacks coach, who has assisted Rich Brooks in making Wildcats’ sports relevant before November and the first tip-off, and helped get Andre Woodson on to the Heisman/ first round draft pick/ future rich young man list, is none other than:


You may join me in crying, Rocky T*ts, although I know you have different reasons for your bitter, bitter tears.

Seriously, the more I read about po’ Randy, the more I realize the fat one should have been fired, not the skinny one. He had loyalty issues (in that he was way too loyal to Tennessee for his own good), and got the shaft, and not the fun one, in return. 

From the UK Athletics profile of Randy Sanders, who took the blame for the Season Which Is Not Spoken Of:

Prior to Kentucky, Sanders spent 22 seasons (1984-2005) as a player and coach at the University of Tennessee, including the last seven as offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach. He was named offensive coordinator after the 1998 regular season when David Cutcliffe became head coach at Ole Miss. Sanders’ first game as offensive coordinator was the 1999 Fiesta Bowl when the Volunteers defeated Florida State for the national championship.

A native of Morristown, Tenn., Sanders was a quarterback on the Tennessee football team from 1984-88. He earned four varsity letters and was a four-year member of the SEC Academic Honor Roll. He remained with the team as a volunteer assistant coach, helping coach the quarterbacks, in 1989-90 under Coach Johnny Majors.

Sanders was promoted to full-time assistant coach in 1991, working with the wide receivers in 1991-92. New head coach Phillip Fulmer named him running backs coach and recruiting coordinator in 1993. Sanders stayed in those roles, recruiting the players that took Tennessee to the national title, (emphasis added, just to point out that would include Saint Peyton and Jamal Lewis) before moving to offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach following Cutcliffe’s departure.

While Sanders was on the Tennessee coaching staff, the Vols had a record of 162-46-2 (.776) and won four SEC championships and six Eastern Division crowns in addition to their national title. The Vols played in 16 bowl games, including four Citrus Bowls, three Fiesta Bowls, three Cotton Bowls, two Peach Bowls, and once each in the Sugar, Orange, Hall of Fame, and Gator bowls.

Defense or Truth

September 26, 2007

From my beloved The Insouciant Truth: I need to point out to our darling MLBGG that what may appear as a defense of the Big East is actually an objective perspective, absent the investment-protecting, agenda-driven drivel the empty headsets spew forth.

There’s a reason nobody watched Iowa-Wisconsin (the rating made the NHL on Versus look like a wise media play)…it was abysmal football. It was like trying to watch ‘that guy’ dance at a wedding and have your grandmother tell you how good he dances. You know ‘that guy’, the one who takes up half the dance floor, moves slowly and awkwardly and has the staccato unrhythm of an LA seismograph. Come to think of it, A LOT of those guys play in the Big Televen. And the thing about ‘those guys’ is they actually think they are good. Why? Because their damn grandmother (or ABC/ESPN) tells them so.

They can’t dance, and they can’t play winning football.

Seriously, the best RB in the Big Slow is nicknamed the Winnebago. The Winnebago? That’s for tailgating. Speed is what the game is about, and the Big Slow has none.

Well, I can’t disagree with that, given the result of the 2007 BCS Championship Game.  No matter whether we are SECentric, or Big East boosters, we can agree that the Big Ten sucks. MLBGG, in mourning for Deuce’s- and very possibly my beloveds- season.

What now? Another hurricane?

September 26, 2007

 Deuce McAllister is one of the best people in the NFL, and one of the every-five-year-or-so NFL caliber players who came from Ole Miss. Sigh.  This is his second season ending knee injury in three years, and just about makes me tear up (and I’m not exaggerating).

Seriously, God, the Fates, Karma, Nemesis, the Furies, Odin, Krishna, Kali, Osiris, Zeus, the Muses, Quetzlcoatl and the Sky God owe us.   We gave you jazz, cajun food, the offshore oil industry, Mardi Gras, Louis Armstrong, the French Quarter, a lot of the seafood consumed in the US, a place to always pick on if you were feeling bad about how messed up your city was, and oh, yeah, the actual physical existence of our city itself, sacrificed through the good graces of the Corps of Engineers and the oil and gas industry.

Can we get more than one good season in a row, and not have our hearts broken the next?

Oh, and cornerback Jason David is out with a broken arm. Since he wasn’t covering anyone anyway, this is no great loss