Archive for the ‘Haterade’ Category

No Air in My Balloons

November 27, 2007

It is hard to get up the energy for this one. My Tigers couldn’t stop a totally one dimensional team (ie, The Darren McFadden Experience) that took out its erstwhile quarterback for its only effective pass plays. The defense looked bad in the second half.  I don’t know if was that we were outcoached (by the next head coach of Ole Miss?), or just plain old worn out.  The defense looked awful, especially in the second half.   I know that everyone is hurt, but I didn’t expect that level of play from LSU. It was the most disappointing loss I’ve seen since the 2005 SEC title game, in which we were demolished and chopped into tiny bits.  Our luck, mojo, or whatever you want to call it, finally ran out last Friday evening.  And that sucks.

Our quest for the national title is over and out.  Unless we beat the Volunteers, we are headed to a random New Year’s Day Bowl instead of the Sugar Bowl. I have no idea what will happen in the SECCG (the original, and still the best).  Tennessee is happy to be there; LSU is somewhat disappointed with the way the season is going.  Tennessee’s coach is staying; ours is still looking to be Michigan’s next head coach.  I still think we can pull it together for one more game, and then have a month to heal before the Sugar.  I think we can do it, but the question is, whether my boys believe they can. 

 Rocky T*ts and I will discuss the SEC Championship Game in the most random terms this week; we will not discuss it at all on Saturday; and then the winner gets a five minute gloat following the game.  Even better, this year, I will be in North Carolina, and she will be here. It’s really safer for everyone that way.

Right now, we’re looking at a West Virginia- Missouri title game, which I’m sure sends Fox executives looking for a building to jump off.  WVU-Ohio State is just as potentially stimulating. I’ve been involved in an email spat all day with friends from West Virginia, who were insulted at the notion that I called their fan base rednecks who don’t know how to act, especially on their special Monday morning at the top of the BCS.  Here’s some news for you, Mountaineer fans: there are rednecks in all 50 states.  Don’t have a tizzy when ya’ll get called that. It’s really ok.   As for not knowing how to act, my favorite Mountaineer blog is called “We Must Ignite This Couch.”  I didn’t make that up to hurt your feelings.  I am, however, linking to this post to annoy ya’ll. Remind me to not go to a baseball game in Charleston again. I’m amazed I made it out the stadium. Hopefully someone in the Power marketing department has taken the description in question down, before someone uses it for negative recruting, or before some skinheads buy it.  In any event, West Virginia has to beat Pitt, and Pitt is cover-your-eyes awful, and the game is in Morgantown. Pitt has about zero chance of winning the game.  Here’s an article praising the hard work ethic Coach Rodriguez displays in tricking talent into leaving the warmth of SEC country for Morgantown.  

The other game bearing on the BCS title game is the Big 12 Championship, Missouri and Oklahoma. I never really watch the Big 12. Don’t have much of a reason.  I hope Mizzou wins, if only to spare the nation the pain of a WVU-Sweatervests matchup.  The possibility of WVU- OSU represents a special kind of hell to me. Either I’ll be faced with endless bragging about how the Big East represents the future of college athletics, and how this game means the downfall of the SEC as the nation’s premier football power, or how this game means that the Big Ten is the best conference, and last year’s BCS game was a terrible fluke. Please, please Mizzou! Beat OU!  I do think that Missouri would at least be a better game. But the top two still have to win their games this Saturday; as we’ve all seen this year (hullo, Trojans), that is no guarantee, even when the team is as bad as Pitt. And if both the BCS top 2 lose:

  vs. http://www.dawgsports.com/section/football Pray it doesn’t come to that.

 Virginia Tech plays Boston College for the ACC title.  Go Hokies!

Finally, the MLBGG can’t stand the Redskins, but is praying that Sean Taylor recovers.

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Damnnnnnnn….

November 14, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, forget Auburn and Alabama, and Ohio State and Michigan, Texas and Oklahoma.  They were all  on the same sides in the Civil War (what the MLBGG calls the War Between the States).

You want hate?  I give you Kansas and Missouri. 

Want more info? Get off this site, and google “Bloody Kansas.”

I’m all for bad taste (loved the WVU shirts at the Sugar Bowl a few years ago), but this might just slightly step over that line.  I am SOOO watching this game.

http://www2.ljworld.com/blogs/lawrence_news/2007/nov/13/mizzou_shirts/

Thanks to the Wizard of Odds.

It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere

November 3, 2007

Thanks to the wonderful, if slightly misguided folks (can’t help who you love) at Third Saturday in Blogtober.

Your conference blows, and so does (redacted)

November 3, 2007

So this week, the media has decided the most important game this week is between the Arizona State Sun Devils, who have a very good season about once a decade (the Dennis Erickson countdown is on…if you believe he’ll be at ASU in two years, I have some nice property along the Mississippi River Gulf Outlet I’d like to show you), and the Ugliest Uniforms in All Sports, aka the Oregon Ducks.  ASU is high ranked by virtue of everyone else losing. Oregon is a better team, and the game is at Oregon. If Dennis Dixon (?) has a big game, he becomes, according to the media conspiracy, the front runner for the Heisman. Really, I don’t care, and would pay no attention, except for the fact I’ve read noises that the winner of this game might leapfrog LSU in the BCS, which would be crap, and that Oregon is “the best one loss team in America.”

They are the best one loss team in America because they play in the Pac 1.5.  LSU would be the best no loss team in America, as would (f*ck Florida), Auburn and Georgia, while Vanderbilt would maybe lose two games, if one of those SEC schools suddenly switched places with a Pac 1.5 school. Heck, even Ole Miss would be bowl eligible.  In any event, Oregon wins the alleged game of the week.

Now, back to real football. Of course, the real game of the week is between the LSU Tigers and the Alabama Crimson Whine, coached by (redacted), the Larry Brown of football.  (Hey, WVU fans! Did you know (redacted) is from Fairmont? Wonder why he didn’t want to stay around and coach the mighty Mountaineers?)  I think that LSU will win this game on Saturday, thanks to an experienced team that really doesn’t seem to panic much, despite our balls-for-brains coach. (A measure of the disrespect Coach Miles is getting, compared to (redacted), is the number of places I’ve seen Alabama, which doesn’t have the near the talent, picked over LSU.  For all the people who keep saying it’s not about the coaches, sure seems to be, eh?). Early Doucet is back; the running back by committee has had a week to rest; and someone is putting on Laron Landry’s number to send John Parker Wilson into a fetal position.  I think that Glenn Dorsey is angry at the state of Alabama, and will behave accordingly. I am not expecting the Tigers to win by a touchdown, but I do think that we go into Tuscaloosa, and come out as frontrunners for SEC West champions. It will be a brutal game.  Please, coaches (this means you, Coach Crowton. That Mountain West crap doesn’t work down south), no trickeration. Just pound the rock. Really, really hard.  Alabama can’t stop it. 

 Here’s what kills me: I know that (redacted), no matter what happens this season, will win a national championship for the Crimson Whine. It is an inevitability. He is a great coach (gag), a fantastic recruiter (ick), and his defenses play with ferocity (which is what Big East, Pac 1.5….who are we kidding….it’s what other conferences’ defenses lack).  But I rest easy, knowing that after he wins his national championship for the Crimson Whine, he will leave Alabama, because his ego demands it. He will move on to another place because he is bored. He is the Larry Brown of football. (Redacted) will move to the NFL again, to give it another try, because he has will have proven that he has reached the top of the mountain in NCAA football twice, and from the very best conference that is or ever will be (75 years of kickin’ yo’ ass).  But I digress. What I meant to say was f*ck (redacted), and may he wake up with an earth shattering migraine.

Anyhoo, other games of interest to myself. In the Greatest Conference in America, South Carolina is visiting Arkansas.  Arkansas has the Darren McFadden Experience and Felix Jones, your Secretariat and Seattle Slew of the human world. South Carolina has Steve Spurrier. Advantage, Gamecocks! (I have determined that the only force that can stop Darren McFadden is Houston Nutt).

Vanderbilt at (f*ck) Florida: depends on how Tebow’s shoulder is doing.  I just can’t believe the Gators will lose against Vandy at home, but they could be suffering a hangover from the Cocktail Party, combined with the beating they took when Mark Richt finally let his personality out of whatever box he had it in on the sidelines.  I’ll go with the Gators, but of course, I’ll not be upset if the smart kids take another step toward bowl eligibility (speaking of coach watches, Vandy’s coach is gone the minute they have a winning season.)

Troy at Georgia: If Georgia lost this game, exactly no SEC fans would be surprised. After the effort against the Gators, if any school is ripe for a letdown, it’s the Bulldogs. And Troy is no cupcake.  I’ll go Georgia, but in a disturbingly close game for Bulldog fans.

There are some other SEC games, but they are against random schools, so I will not waste my heartbeats.  In the Former Big Eight Plus Texas Teams from the Old SWC, there are a couple of interesting games.  Nebraska (Bill Callahan has put his house on the market) is at Kansas, where it’s basketball season, and the football Jayhawks are still relevant. Wow. I keep picking against Kansas, thinking that they just can’t be for real, with the cupcake schedule, and being Kansas. Why stop now? I’ll pick Nebraska to upset Kansas, and send them plummetting down the BCS poll.  Not because I believe in Nebraska, but just because I’m a hater.

Texas visits Oklahoma State, home of hothead, non-sensical coaches. Texas has not overwhelmed anyone this season, and Oklahoma State has given Texas fits in the past. I’ll go with Texas in a game that will give one of my buddies a huge, huge fit.

Texas A&M at Oklahoma: Oklahoma. Why play for a coach when you know he’s sold you out?

In the Big Ten Plus One, Ohio State should beat up on Wisconsin, and Michigan State should continue the annual implosion against the Big Ten Plus One team I am rooting for, Michigan.

In the ACC (keep trying, boys), Clemson will struggle against Duke for a good half or so. Why? Because that’s what Clemson does. They’ll pull it out. Barely. Florida State travels to Boston College in a game that is frankly depressing, because it will likely be another example of just how far the Seminoles have fallen from national relevance.  The only good that can come out of this game is Matt Ryan being broken (not permanently, of course), thus derailing his Heisman candidacy, and the talk of BC in the national title game. 

Go Navy! If you love America, you should cheer for Navy. Whose side do you think God is really on? A bunch of self-righteous dorks in the middle of a field in Indiana, led by a shmoo shaped coach (but he lacks Shmoo’s charm and cuteness), or kids who are gonna get shot at after they graduate from college?

There are a couple of games of note in the Big East. Let’s give a shout out to the top team in the conference, Connecticut!  Rutgers has been beat up and beat down. I’m going with the Huskies.  Cincinnati (what is a bearcat?) is at South Florida.  The Bulls get back on track, but just barely.

Finally, I said I’d discuss why the Big East will never be as good, top to bottom, as the SEC. It’s not tradition, it’s not the devotion of the fan base, it’s not the tailgating (maybe…no, I’m wrong there. SEC tailgating is an art form, while Big East tailgating….do they even do that…I’m getting distracted). It’s your recruiting base, and for purposes of this discussion, I’m talking the Big East “heartland” so to speak, not what you got when South Florida joined the conference.  I know that in this age, it’s not an automatic that kids are going to suit up for the State U of whatever state they come from. They have internet access, huge egos, and have to be wined and dined.  But recruits are by and large, still children who often don’t want to stray too far from home, and would like to play in their backyards if they can play what they want. And if you have access to a ton of those kids, who really would like to be close to home, it makes your life much easier to recruit.

Football is the be-all end all high school sport in two of the Big East “heartland states”: Pennsylvania (and I’m giving you, because it’s right on the border), Ohio.  The Big East is at an automatic disadvantage in those two states. Football is IT in every SEC state except Kentucky.  Coaches for Florida, LSU, Alabama, Auburn and Georgia could field good teams without ever having to leave their states. (Although the SEC welcomes kids seeking to escape the cold of New Jersey, and places like that.)  Big East state populations are shrinking, by and large. West Virginia’s got maybe 1.5 million people, and a million of those are old.  

A school by school rundown:

WVU: an aging population with limited football factory potential. Two schools in Morgantown and Parkersburg South does not a recruiting hotbed make.  WVU, as evidenced by its  star quarterback and running back, plus its most famous NFL player, currently on probation, has to go out of state to get talent. Pennsylvania Steve Slaton should be at Maryland (great job, Fridge), while Pat White is from Alabama, and might be at LSU right now, but he wanted to play quarterback.  It’s just harder for the Mountaineers to recruit, although Coach Rodriguez has done a fine job. But eventually, he may find himself wanting to go someplace where it’s not such a supreme effort to get enough good kids, and where he doesn’t have to pick where to place his best athletes.

Louisville: Football will always be second to basketball in Kentucky, and at Louisville. If the Louisville football job wasn’t a steppingstone, Bobby Petrino would still be there.

Cincinnati: If they’re lucky, they can be the number 2 football school in Ohio. But that would require the decline of the MAC.  Ohio’s like Florida with awful weather and burning rivers. And Cincinnati is a basketball school, too. Maybe it’s sharing the border with Kentucky.

Rutgers: probably has the best shot of any Big East team of building itself into a consistent national power IF Greg Schiano wants to do the work, just because he’s sitting on the riches-by-default of the tri-state area.  Depends of the committment of the administration to Rutgers football.

South Florida: I love what they’ve done in 12 years, but they are still the fifth team in Florida (Florida, FSU, Miami, UCF). Florida’s like the Colorado. Eventually, the talent runs dry for the rest of the Big East (upstream). When it comes down to it, a lot of those boys don’t want to be too far from their mamas and don’t want to be cold.  Two strikes against most of the Big East.

Connecticut: basketball will always be number 1 and 2 (men and women’s) to football. UConn also has to compete with Rutgers for the same talent pool.

Syracuse: I’ve never understood why they were any good to begin with. I don’t see how anyone from south of the Mason Dixon line could go someplace where winter starts in October and ends in April, and did I mention it snows a lot there? Syracuse competes with the Big Ten for kids from that neck of the woods, because you’d have to be from Big Ten country to tolerate the weather.  And imagine the campus visits of a top recruit from Pennsylvania: he goes to State College on a beautiful fall night. They do the white-out thing. ABC is there. The game is nationally televised.  Then he goes to Syracuse, where he sees a game on at noon on ESPN2 in a half-full climate controlled, sound sucking dome. (And then he travels to Florida or Texas, and decides that pretty girls and warm weather will make football more fun.)  It will take mighty work to keep Syracuse football from going permanently in the toilet.

Pitt: another case of being the second school in the state. I know that Pitt was, for a time, competing with Penn State for recruits. Pitt even won a national title. And then Johnny Majors went home to Tennessee, and that was that.  If Pitt could get the right sort of person to recruit (not the Mustache), Pitt has potential as well. Unfortunately, Pitt’s new coach (whoever that will be) will have to remind the recruits’ parents when Pitt was great, and sent players to the NFL.

And that’s it. The Big East is composed of schools in basketball states; schools that are lucky to be second (or third banana) in their states; a football program with potential, but that was moribund for so long, making it into a national power will take resources the school may not be willing to spend; and a state with an aging population. And oh, by the way, the ACC took most of your TV market and revenue when Miami, Virginia Tech and Boston College left. I don’t get Big East games unless they are on ESPN.  This is not to say that the Big East, as currrently constituted, will not have moments of greatness. This is not to say the Big East cannot be better than it is now, or that the Big East lacks in talent (it doesn’t, thanks to some out of area recruiting). But the Big East starts at a disadvantage that none of the other conferences, especially the SEC and Pac 1.5 have.

And that is all.

I wonder if USC will have to give back its’ crystal football?

My heart needs the break

October 27, 2007

It’s Halloween weekend. Tonight I am resting and enjoying an evening by my lonesome. Tomorrow, I’m off to Virginia Beach for a….um..stroll around several establishments with a few dozen of my closest friends, and some people who scare me.  I will be a referee for Halloween, as I am a League Commissioner. ( We’ll be having a live draft on Saturday. I still have to go with my original number one pick, despite his absence from the festivities, instead of his best buddy. Youth before beauty! I know that almost no one knows what that meant, but that’s ok. It’s my dictatorship.) And thankfully, after last weekend’s near-death experience, LSU has a bye week, so I don’t have to worry about trying to find a TV to watch, staying sober enough to start watching a game at 9 p.m., or shattering the glass in whatever house or establishment I am watching the game.  Like every weekend, there are games of interest and importance, even if I’m not particularly absorbed. We’ll go backwards this week, and start with games in the lesser conferences. 

WVU at Rutgers: After weeks of upsets, WVU is back in the BCS championship game talk.  The Moutaineers have more talent, and should win.  Much like Kentucky last weekend, I don’t think Rutgers can put up a supreme effort two weeks in a row, and a supreme effort is what it will take to defeat the Mountaineers. Rutgers’ best advantages are that they are at home, and the Mountaineer pass defense is not good. The WVU D will wisely be keyed on Ray Rice. If Teel can manage to get some long accurate passes off, this might be a better game than I think it will be.  I’ll go with the Mountaineers in a close one. (I wonder where Coach Rodriguez will go next year? There should be some very nice jobs opening up.) 

Nebraska at Texas: There was a time where this would have been a marquee game. Now it’s the Bill Callahan countdown (yet another job that will be open in 2008) against a Texas team that finally got that case of the Mack Brown I was talking about.  The road to the Alamo Sunshine Bowl, sponsored by Poulan Weedeaters, goes through Austin! Nebraska not only has less talent than Texas; the boys on that team have flat out quit on Callahan. Texas, in a big, huge way.  (PS…Bo…hold out for a better job. Why do you want to freeze your a&& off on the Great Plains?)

Kansas at Texas A&M: somewhere, a schedule of creampuffs, cupcakes and girls’ schools has got to catch up with Kansas. I believe that this is the week, since Dennis Franchione will be looking to spice up the resume for potential new employers.

Cal at Arizona State: Wow. From national championship contender to….Holiday Bowl, if they’re lucky. ASU is highly ranked because everyone else lost. I really have nothing to say about this game. Whomever is coaching ASU will not be there next year. There are better jobs in the Pac 1.5 and nationwide. Because I don’t care, and that’s the way the season goes, I’ll go Cal. Let’s continue to screw everything to hell!

USC at Oregon: Autzen Stadium will be absolutely rocking. Will USC be blinded by the ugliest uniforms ever in any sport?  Will the USC of old, swaggering and proud, show up, or the one that forgot Stanford was a Division 1-A football team appear? USC has played distinctly lackluster football in the past few weeks. The Trojans barely beat Washington and an awful Arizona team, and of course, there was the Stanford debacle. I think that the USC people think USC is supposed to be will show up in Oregon tomorrow. I go with the Trojans. It should be epic, or as epic as Pac 1.5 football gets.

Ohio State at Penn State: Penn State is not good. They really aren’t. If the Sweatervests don’t step up and beat down Penn State, they are a fraud.  I know about the white-out, and the alleged intimidation factor of playing at Penn State, but seriously, this should really not be a close game if Ohio State is really championship caliber.  I advise SEC fans (and even those from the Pac 1.5  and Big 12 South) to not watch this game, as they may become ridiculously bored and frustrated at the slow speed of play.

UCLA at Washington State: I just bring up this game because I bet UCLA will blow it.

South Florida at UConn: Another huge game for UConn. South Florida should really win this game. We’ll see if USF can get themselves back together. I think they can. The Bulls in a close one.

Minnesota at Michigan: looks like the Little Brown Jug will be staying in Ann Arbor.

A brief review of last night’s Virginia Tech game, as I channel my favorite Tech fan, Heather. Heather, to let ya’ll know, spent last Saturday night holding me as I watched the LSU-Auburn game in an inebriated panic. This is not meant to mock her, or any of the Hokie Nation. Believe me, the MLBGG knows your pain: 

Minutes 1-57: this is fantastic! This is great! Let’s check on tickets to Jacksonville, baby.  Minute 58: Ok, we’ve got the ball back. We’ ve just got another two minutes OH SWEET JESUS MOTHERF*CKER WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED HOW DID THEY GET THE G*DD*MNED BALL BACK CANT GLENNON HOLD ON WHERE IS TYROD?. Minutes 58:30 to 59:55: SOMEONE STOP HIM FROM RUNNING! HOW IS MATT RYAN GETTING AWAY FROM OUR DEFENSE WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING SOMEONE TACKLE SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! Minute 59:55-60:00: That sucked balls. And not in a good way.

(Portions of that commentary were edited for family consumption, filtered with my voice, and modified so I don’t get my a&& kicked.)

Now for the good stuff:

Miami at Vanderbilt: Vandy is the kind of team that will go balls to the wall at Georgia, South Carolina, and Florida, and then stink up the joint at home against a MAC team. So don’t be surprised when it happens tomorrow.

MSU at Kentucky: the only question I have is if Kentucky can get to 45. I think they can. Andre’ (must get the apostrophe) Woodson, I doubt ye no more. Wildcat fans, enjoy this season, because your program graduates this year, and your coach is not long for Lexington.

Ole Miss at Auburn: Here’s another SEC West game with two job openings for next year (seriously, the entire division is going to have new coaches next year, except for the Crimson Whine.  Coach Balls for Brains is still the leading candidate to take the reins at Michigan if Lloyd Carr decides to resign; Houston Nutt’s days are numbered, since he has Secretariat and Seattle Slew in his backfield, and managed to do exactly nothing of note with them this year; the crazy boosters have finally driven Coach Tuberville to the edge; Mississippi State needs to start over…and Ole Miss…how’d firing Cutcliffe go for you?). Anyhoo, I’d say this is a trap game for Auburn, them being worn out by all that scoring from last week, and rolling up on Glenn Dorsey’s knee, but Ed Orgeron’s a terrible coach, and contractually, Auburn cannot lose to more than one team from Mississippi a year.  Auburn in a close one, because that is how Auburn wins football games.

South Carolina at Tennessee: Both teams were embarassed last week. Only one team, however, has a coach who develops a nervous tick when he sees his visor wearing, squinting opponent across the field.  Steve Spurrier beats Tennessee, then finds yet another way to manage to insult Phil Fulmer. 

Finally, the SEC Game of the Week, sponsored by Home Depot on CBS, is the World’s Largest Cocktail Party. Right now, massive quantities of cocaine, weed, Jack Daniels, Makers Mark, Bombay Sapphire are entering the Jacksonville city limits in preparation for tomorrow afternoon’s tailgate/ fashion show/ meat market/ cookoff ….oh, hold up. There’s a football game, too.  The MLBGG will go with (f*ck) Florida for this one. Timmy’s groupies didn’t have to work on him quite as thoroughly after the UK  game as after the LSU game. The Timmy Show is a bit banged up in his non-throwing shoulder, so don’t expect the 57 carries a game he’s been getting most of the season against Georgia. Georgia, Georgia, Georgia. Really, it’s been all downhill since the 2005 SEC Championship, where they demolished my Tigers. The end result was the game the Angry Eer from Loser with Socks still can’t stop talking about. (An aside about that game: I was there.  I respect what the Mountaineers did at what was basically a home field for Georgia. WVU put up 28 points on the Bulldogs before they had the chance to react, and they ran out of time to catch up.  I will always continue to believe that if Georgia took WVU half as seriously as they did LSU and the rest of the SEC, the Bulldogs would have won that game going away. Unfortunately for Georgia and SEC fans who have to hear about that game being some sort of turning point, they did not. And the failure of those boys not being ready lies squarely at Mark Richt’s feet.)  The Bulldogs are the most schizoprenic team in the SEC.   You never know which team will show up from week to week. I certainly don’t. So I have to lie back, close my eyes, think of Liuzza’s, and pick the d*mned Gators.

That’s all for now. Apparently, the NFL may actually exist.  A word of caution to Boston fans who are in the grip of hubris: you are one broken collarbone from not making the playoffs, a rotator cuff from letting the Rocktoberfest (TM)back in, and a real football conference from a national champion. 

Next week is Hell Week Part Deux. I can feel the overconfidence from the Crimson Whine in my bones.

Also, I’ll tell you why the Big East will never be as good as the SEC. 

And it’s actually pretty fricking simple. Here’s a clue:

“What we’ve got to do is continue to work toward getting more speed and athleticism on the football field, particularly on the defensive side of the ball.”
— Minnesota coach Tim Brewster in the aftermath of his team’s loss to North Dakota State (It’s not your conference, but it’s close enough).

The Time for Mourning is Done

October 18, 2007

It’s time for another weekend of football, so my period of mourning must end. But first, a little post-mortem on the LSU-UK game. Many other sites have done in depth analyses, so I won’t re-do what’s already been done well. 

 My response to the game was to engage in a stream of profanity for well over four hours, which was occasionally punctuated by a high pitched scream. Then at the end of regulation, I turned off my phone. Then I kept screaming. The Kentucky offensive line deserves high praise, as does Andre Woodson. As much as I’d like to blame the coaches, Gary Crowton and Les Miles did not drop a perfectly thrown pass that would have made the game 31-14 in the 4th quarter. Coach Pelini did not blow a 27-14 lead on his own.  LSU had the chance to put the game away late and did not.  The Tigers had the chance to make stops, and didn’t.  But they can’t dwell on that game, as the other Tigers from the middle of nowhere are coming into the unfriendly confines of Tiger Stadium.

I am seeing a repeat of last year’s game, as both teams will be utterly worn out from their supreme efforts of last weekend (unlike some teams from other conferences, that continue to play in-state rivals). Auburn totally shut down the Arkansas offense (Felix Jones and the DMcFE), avenging last year’s loss.  (And I understand that Coach Tuberville took some time to tour the Arkansas weight room and athletic dorm). Last weekend must be put out of the team’s collective psyche (defense, that means YOU). LSU must find a way, through whichever unit, to put up 3 touchdowns.  The Tigers can’t let it come down to Auburn making a field goal, because Wes Bynum has downright elephantine testicles, and liquid nitrogen running through his veins.  If LSU can get to that magic number of 21, Auburn will have a very hard time, because they generally can’t score that many points.  Obviously Auburn shut down The Darren McFadden Experience, but I can’t tell if that is a result of Houston Nutt being an idiot who didn’t get him enough touches, Arkansas having absolutely no passing threat, Houston Nutt being a moron, or Auburn’s defense being that good. It’s likely a combination of all those factors.  Let’s reward the faith the computers and pollsters still have, eh, darlings?: LSU 21 Auburn 13

Now, lets skip back to Thursday, and what really is the Big East Game of the Year, South Florida (2!) at Rutgers.  I’m not going against the Bulls. I know that Rutgers ran all over the Bulls last year, but that was last year.  I’ll just put it like this: if the Bulls weren’t scared at Auburn, and shut down The Greatest Offensive System in the History of College Football (TM), then they aren’t gonna be scared of Thursday night in New Jersey.  I’d make some joke about some Rutgers fan popping a cap in the Bulls’ ass, but that’s just as likely to happen in Tampa.  South Florida continues the dream season.

Mississippi State at WVU: The Moutaineers have had a couple of weeks to get ready, and MSU just exhausted themselves against the Volunteers (good job not blowing that game, Coach Fulmer).  The Bulldog defense is capable of giving West Virginia fits for most of the game; however, the offense is prehistoric and run by a kid who couldn’t start for a top Texas high school team.  The Moutaineers should win against the Bulldogs, but other superior teams have been Croomed before.  My West Virginia people have been warned.

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh:  Bearcats, as Brian Kelly continues his job interview. Boy, does Pitt suck! If your coach tears his achilles three days before your game, the football goddesses are not on your side.

Texas at Baylor: Texas. I got nothing else. I just mention the Longhorns because one of my friends is a fan. Did you know Mike Singletary went to Baylor? I think that was the high point of that program’s existence.

Oklahoma at Iowa State: To top Texas, Oklahoma will feel compelled to hang 70 on the Cyclones. And they will succeed.

Vanderbilt (we can read!) at South Carolina: I think Coach Superior will use the Commodores to experiment on. If the ‘Cocks had the offense, Coach Superior would run up the score.  Poor things. Vandy always does put up a good fight, but they usually fail. 

Tennessee at Alabama: A measure of how far this game has fallen this season: instead of being the SEC Game of the Week on CBS, sponsored by Home Depot, or an ESPN prime time game, The Third Saturday in October is now the 12:30 game on the network formerly known as Jefferson Pilot. (I don’t know what it’s called now). Let’s see.  I really want Tennesse to stomp on Alabama and smack them around like the crimson clad bitches they are. The game is at Alabama. Alabama does not have the talent that Tennessee has.  Fulmer has not managed to blow a game in a couple of weeks.  Therefore, Alabama and their traitorous bastard of a asshat coach will win. 

USC at The Pyrite Dome: Perhaps this week, USC will remember how to put up 70 points again, and realize that their fourth string could start at the Pyrite Dome. Come on, Trojans! America is counting on you.  If the Trojans don’t win by 20, something is seriously wrong.

Michigan State at Ohio State:  Ohio State continues its tough Big Ten Plus One schedule. Michigan State has begun its annual tailspin.  Ohio State.

Florida at Kentucky: The SEC Game of the Week, on CBS.  Boy, the best option for me would be for a sinkhole to open up under Commonwealth Stadium, revealing yet another massive Kentucky cave complex.  That, unfortunately, is unlikely to happen.  The question for Kentucky is if they can duplicate last weekend’s effort. The only thing in their favor is that the game is in Lexington. I don’t know the Wildcats can repeat last weeks heroics against LSU. (f*ck) Florida is coming off a weekend off and two losses, which are likely to make the Gators very, very angry. Back to back comebacks are hard, especially in the SEC.   I’ll do something which makes my skin crawl and my stomach flip: I will pick the rested Gators and the Timmy Show to win at Kentucky.  Enjoy this season before your program graduates and your coach moves on to another job, UK fans. I understand Nebraska will have an opening available soon.  

That being said, if Wildcat fans rush the field again if Kentucky beats the Gators….act like you’ve been there before, people.

There are some other games that I have virtually no interest in:

Texas Tech @ Missouri:  Go with the over.

Cal @UCLA: everything says that Cal should win this game easily. So I’ll pick UCLA.

Kansas at Colorado: Colorado. I still think Kansas is a mirage.

Kansas State at Oklahoma State: Kansas State, just because purple is my favorite color…

Oregon at Washington: …but I’m not crazy. The ugly uniforms win.

Michigan at Illinois: Illini fans, there was a reason Ron Zook got fired. You are about to find out why.  Michigan. (The MLBGG is an unabashed Wolverine supporter for the remainder of the 2007 season, as she yearns to see the team that lost to a 1-AA team win the “Big” Ten Plus One. I’m sending some positive thoughts to Mike Hart’s ankle.)

There’s nothing in the ACC worth discussing. The big ACC game is next week, Boston College (who’s played no one) at Virginia Tech (who was dismantled)(Strange things will be afoot at the home of my favorite Tech fan that night. I guarantee it).  I was thinking that there were no meaningful ACC games on this weekend, and then I realized Florida State and Miami are facing each other. Ten years ago, discussions of that game would have opened Sportcenter. Now it’s just filler bewteen the SEC main courses.  Enjoy all the Wake Forest and Virginia you want, ACC boosters, but you better hope that Miami and FSU can get back to what they were sooner than later.

Mike Hart is definitely expected back against Minnesota.

That’s all.

Oh, for one week, the NFL does exist.

Games of Interest to Me

October 12, 2007

So anyhoo, we have what is apparently a “dead” weekend in college football. But we know better. There is no such thing. Just when it seems that nothing can ever top last weekend, this weekend happens. There’s a new Instant Classic and the national title picture is blown to hell every weekend. And that is why we watch. That and the chance to start drinking at 10, when College Gameday comes on.  Since I have things to do, a brief overview of games of interest to me. As always, we begin with The Greatest Conference That Is Or Ever Will Be (Celebrating 75 years of Kicking Yo’ Ass), and the Game of the Week, brought to you by the Home Depot:

http://www.ilovewavs.com/TV/Sports/TV%20Theme%20-%20CBS,%20College%20Football.wav

LSU is traveling to the scene of one of the most storied games in Tiger history, where the students had a severe case of premature celebration.

As good as that was, here’s hoping that there’s no need for a Bluegrass Miracle. I don’t think there will be. This has been advertised since the start of the season as a potential trap game for LSU.   But can it really be one, since everyone has discussed it as such? This ain’t the Pac 1.5, where starting quarterbacks in the top half of the league believe that the other team shouldn’t even be on the field.   Every kid in the SEC (and especially at LSU, where it took some last second heroics to beat Ole Miss last year), knows that an “off” day means a loss (hulllo, Auburn!), and anything less than your best means you’re flying home a loser.   Besides, Coach Pelini and Coach Crowton are doing too well on their job interviews to mess it up now.  Kentucky has a subpar running game which should not pose a threat to the Tigers front seven. Although Andre Woodson is a fine quarterback and is doing beautifully under the tutelage of Randy Sanders (hee hee hee), he is immobile, and not the type of quarterback (see: Tim Tebow) that has given LSU trouble this year. He’ll be heaving and heaving the ball into the air, and although Kentucky probably has some of the best receivers in the SEC, the more you throw, the more you get picked off.  This game goes like almost every other LSU game this year: uncomfortably, almost WTF close through halftime, and a nice lil’ pull away due to some defense.

Tennessee at Mississippi State. If Mississippi State wins this game, exactly zero SEC fans will be surprised.

South Carolina at North Carolina: Basketball season starts soon, Tarheels.

Auburn at Arkansas: If Arkansas only had something resembling a passing game and a coach who was sane. The Darren McFadden Experience will have 2 touchdowns, 175 yards (and Felix Jones will score at least one more, and have 100 yards), and Arkansas will still lose. This was one of the big shockers of last season, and put The DMcFE on the map as one of the top players in college football. He still is and will be after this game, but Auburn will win.  After the game, Tommy Tuberville will not take the team plane back to Auburn, but will discuss the details of his new contract with the Arkansas boosters, and try to convince Jones and McFadden to stay another year.

Boston College at Notre Dame: Go Eagles!! I know that Pyrite Dome boosters think that last week was the start of the a new era for The Greatest Coach Who Ever Has Blessed College Football with His Presence(s), and the Greatest Quarterback College Football Has Ever Seen, but what that was Karl Dorrell sucking.  There are few things that motivate Boston College like playing at Notre Dame. And BC (boy, this sucks to admit) is much better than it used to be. Boston College, big.

Arizona at USC.  Poor, poor, poor Wildcats. They drew a bad hand, getting the golden children the week after they forgot that Stanford actually is a Division I-A team.  If USC scores less than 50 (by the half), I’ll be surprised. (PS…things haven’t gone well since Arizona stomped on the Eye of the Tiger. Coincidence? I think not. PPS…looks like the Indian burial ground curse afflicting the Team of Which I Do Not Speak is about to hit the Men of Troy. Hope that Saint Reggie only took that money in 2005. I wonder if the NCAA makes schools give back the hardware?)

Oregon State at Cal:  If it was at Oregon State, I might give them a chance. As it is DeSean Jackson will probably be the Heisman front runner after this game. Damned hippies.   A more interesting thing than the game itself will be finding references to Beavers chopping down the smelly sacred grove where the hippies are protecting the tree nymphs from the athletic department.

Just for laughs: Louisville at Cincinnati. Hee hee hee. Just for the heck of it, Louisville.  Brian Brohm does not suck. The poor child’s Heisman was stolen from him by his defense.

Wisconsin at Penn State: Joe Pa gets sideline rage, attacks Wisconsin coach via cart. Whiteout, tradition, yada, yada, yada. Really, who cares? Ohio State will win the Big Ten Plus One anyway.

Virginia Tech at Duke.  Virginia Tech. That’s really all I’ve got.

Texas at Iowa State: Hope the Longhorns got a shot to cure that case of the Mack Brown they came down with a couple of weeks ago.  An 0-3 conference start means a trip to the Lawnmower Seasonal Diamond Friendliness Bowl, brought to you by Capitol One.

The Battle of Florida, 2007 Edition: Central Florida at South Florida.  I’ll go with South Florida, just because I would love to see them as the Big East BCS rep. But this is certainly a dangerous game for the Bulls. UCF wasn’t scared of Texas, so I don’t see USF having any intimidation factor at all.

And finally, as I promised, the Big Ten Plus One Pillow Fight for All Time…or at least I thought it was before Northwestern sent Michigan State on the first step of the annual tailspin. This is actually gonna be a fun game to watch, if by fun, you mean no defense and resembling the 1960s AFL.  Northwestern lost to Duke, Duke, at home.  Minnesota is just abominable. This game comes down to the interceptions that Minnesota’s QB will heave into the air. 1000 yards of offense, 4 Minnesota interceptions, 2 Northwestern turnovers,  and a 45-38 score. Boy, firing Glen Mason sure was a great decision!

That is all for now. Love, MLBGG.

Watch this space, as we prepare for Big East-SEC showdown number 2: Mississippi State at West Virginia.

PS… F*ck Florida

PPS….Alabama and their traitorous f*cking coach sucks.

I knew I had missed something.

Rocky T*ts weighs in

October 8, 2007

So another epic fall weekend has passed us by.  It seems that every one so far, with this past one being no different, has brought excitement, shake-ups and most definitely disappointments.  I gotta tell ya, the disappointments (as long as they aren’t for the Vols) are definitely more fun. 

Take for instance last weekend, the MLBGG and I went to an establishment full of Texas fans. We even sat with Texas fans. And we, along with those very same Texas fans watched Texas lose. Not just lose, but pretty much get taken for a ride. I gotta tell ya, it was kinda fun. I’ve never sat there and watched the complete and utter dismay that brews when someone else’s team is getting destroyed. I thought to myself, so, this is what I look like when my Vols crumble (which happens way too often for my tastes but we aren’t going to talk about that ’cause we’re going to think positive thoughts). 

Unfortunately I didn’t watch enough football this weekend to enjoy the same experience. But my team did not disappoint and f*ck Florida lost, so I’m happy.  For now at least.

Thank You for Playing

September 30, 2007

What a weekend, folks. Where to begin, where to begin. Oh, wait.

Florida's Jarred Fayson has a pass go off his hands.

That’s a great place.

I watched the last few minutes of that game on my knees, shrieking for Wes Bynum to hit make his field goal, and leapt in joyous celebration when his second kick was true. (I wonder if any freshman in the history of Auburn has gotten more a&& than Mr. Bynum. I sincerely doubt it. He’s probably still got an entire sorority in his dorm room. ) And how Brandon Cox managed to flat out play the best game (at the Swamp, for gosshakes) he’s played since he was named starter is beyond me. Oh, wait. Tommy Tuberville is a great coach. When the boosters finally get rid of him, I’m sure he’ll have a job really quickly. (Speaking of Coach Tuberville, he’s aged about 30 years since he came to Auburn. I remember when he looked relatively young. But I guess that the constant threat of being fired will do that to you.)

Oh, and this game is yet another reason why Phil Fulmer should be ashamed of the coaching he’s done this year. Good coaches don’t let the 18 to 22 year old kids in their charge roll over and die.

Tomorrow, I’ll go back to disdaining/ hating Auburn, but for today, the Auburn Tigers are my second favorite team in all of college football.  Speaking of that, here’s a lil something for all the Tigers (and Miami Dolphins fans) out there in MLBGG land:

That was of course, the was the second best win of the day, given that (f*ck) Florida lost.  Fans of the fighting (REDACTED) are wondering how it all could have gone so terribly wrong, and when the national championship that is their birthright will finally come back.

 It was definitely upset Saturday. Texas finally got that case of the Mack Brown I discussed in an earlier post, which manifested itself a total lack of special teams play.  This caused my friend John Taylor to consume a great deal of Jack Daniels in an effort to blot out the existance of _________, which, in his honor, will be referred to as __________ in this blog for the remainder of the year.  If you need a clue, Bob Huggins coached basketball there before coming to West Virginia this year. Oklahoma played a team from a BCS conference, and lost (at least Oklahoma was at Colorado). LSU came out flat (it is very distressing to get a text message saying Tulane 9, LSU 7 when shopping), and Matt Flynn played horribly, but the defense came through, turning what could have been a F*CKING DISASTER into something resembling a blowout. PHEW (And who is Charles Scott? How many running backs do my Tigers have?) .  The Pyrite Dome continued it’s suckitude, which of course, makes me happy. USC barely escaped an inspired Husky team.   Clemson looks like it’s beginning the annual downward spiral, while Penn State is looking like it was delightfully overrated.  Coach Paterno, it may be time for you to retire, as you were apparently outcoached by Ron Zook.  Boston College, perhaps the class of the ACC, struggled with UMass. ( I frankly wasn’t aware that UMass had a football program). It was a crazy, nutty weekend, and I don’t know how next weekend can top it.*

*You may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned any schools from a certain conference that is moving up to surpass and overtake the SEC (75 years of kicking your ass, and counting) as the premier conference in all of college football.  I could talk about how the Big East went from four legitimate Heisman contenders to none in two weeks.   I could go on and on and on about how when Rutgers finally faced a team not consisting of midshipmen or 215 pound offensive linemen, they folded, allowing 20 second points at home, to a team playing with its backup quarteback. I could go through Pitt’s loss to Virginia (which lost to Wyoming) in excruciating detail. I could talk about how, one week after opening a can of whoop-ass on former national title contender Louisville, Syracuse ran into a MAC school that played some defense, and lost.  And of course, the other former national championship contender and Big East marquee team played a team that played and beat someone (and by someone, I mean the SEC West team that beat the defending national champions last night), and lost for the second year in a row to a program that didn’t exist twelve years ago.  Wait, maybe I could mention how the other top team in the Big East is famous for basketball and thuggish JUCO players with 0.0 GPAs. (UConn is 5-0, but I am applying what I will call the “Rutgers Rule,” and evaluate them when they play Virginia in two weeks. They did manage to beat down Duke and Pitt).

No, instead of going into all those details,  I’ve just opted for the following:

Your conference representative in the Orange Bowl will likely be a program that did not exist 12 years ago. 

Thank you for playing, Big East.

Watch this blog for in depth coverage of the Big Ten Plus One Pillow Fight of the Year:  Minnesota at Northwestern on October 13, 2007! Watch how two teams from the Big Ten will combine for ten turnovers, yet still manage 80 points and one thousand yards of offense between them.

Also, it’s looking like I’ll have to review the PAC-2 (Cal earned it’s .5 at Autzen Stadium.)

The Road to the Orange Bowl goes through Raymond James: Friday Night Liveblog

September 29, 2007

Yo. Since I went out last night, I am staying in this evening, and watching the WVU-USF game at home.  I’ve got everything I need: wine, cheese and wine and cheese.  I am ready.  I am in contact with the Queen Bee, West Virginia resident, hostess with the mostest, mother of Jack “My baseball” Bailey and Vanderbilt alumnus. I expect texts from the Insouciant Truth.

7:37 pm: the senile dude is talking, so he may be saying that makes sense, but I seriously doubt it. Now Mark May is talking. He is picking WVU, basically saying that the Mountaineers have too many weapons.

7:38: I just changed to “Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team 2.” Coverage of the first quarter will be somewhat limited, because this is the first episode of the girls at training camp. I’m hooked on this show. One of the rookie candidates this year is deaf.  She made the evil dance instructor cry when she did her solo dance.

8:15: the heaviest girl at the DCC training camp weighs 138 pounds.  Yeesh.

WVU was stopped on the first drive. There is obviously a lot of excitement in Tampa. The best way for the Moutaineers to take out that excitement is to score two touchdowns in rather rapid fashion. The longer the crowd is in it, the longer the Bulls will be.

First turnover of the game by South Florida. WVU recovers. The Mountaineers get nothing despite the short field. Coach Rod looks like he’s aboout to stroke out.  The Bulls have the ball back, and are driving.

That may have been the worst pass I have ever seen. That includes the QB from Mississippi State.  USF 7, WVU 0.  As of this time, I don’t want to hear anything about low scores in the SEC being a result of bad offense, and how SEC offense is downright boring compared to the scillintilating Big East.  This season’s premier Big East teams have combined for five turnovers in one quarter.

Can we say “blown coverage” and “poor tackling”? USF 14, WVU 0.  I read that Coach Rod’s philosophy was to keep his best athletes on offense. That’s perfectly clear from that last touchdown.  (Of course, at LSU, the kicker can score a 15 yard touchdown, and the defensive tackles run the 4X100 in high school. Matt Flynn is probably the worst athlete of the 22 starters. If (f*ck) Florida does the unthinkable, and ends up facing WVU in some BCS bowl, assuming the Mountaineers win tonight, Tim Tebow would have 250 yards rushing.)

Oops. That drive didn’t end well for WVU. FOUR turnovers? In one quarter? WVU’s on pace to beat Mississippi State’s numbers against LSU.  Well, that drive didn’t end well for USF. FOUR turnovers? Boy, this is some quality Big East offense. I feel privileged to be watching. This is an ESPN instant classic, for sure. EIGHT turnovers with six minutes to go in the first half.  No texts from The Truth yet.

But still, I can hear the sounds of jets firing up in Knoxville and Auburn, heading for Tampa.

Uh oh. Pat White is limping. My Mountaineer boosters had best hope they can inject that with something and tape it up.

I don’t know what kind of snap that was.  So much for the touchdown chance. I would love to be in the that locker room at halftime. Coach Rod seriously does look like he will stroke out.

I just heard a commercial praising the “four Heisman candidates from the Big East.” Um, no. The Big East lost one when Louisville lost to Syracuse, following the loss to perennial SEC football doormat Kentucky.  And if some things don’t happen very differently in the second half, the Big East will be down to one. And his team still hasn’t played a game against a real opponent.  Ya’ll KNOW how much I HATE to say this, but (f*ck) Fliorida has the front runner for the Heisman right now, and if (f*ck) Florida wins next weekend (please, L*rd, Shiva and the Furies, you owe us), I’d hand the hardware to Tebow on the Eye of the Tiger.  And the Heisman trophy “the most revered of all trophies,” which it is? Please.  Much like when Milli Vanilli won a Grammy for best new artist, the Heisman hurt its credibility when Gino Toretta was declared the best football player in the nation that year.  And Jason White (2003 award winner, who had his bell rung in the only national championship game that was played that year, Trojan fans)? Puh-leeeze.  Speaking of greatest players, I checked a list of greatest college players by team on Rivals.com. Texas’s final two were Vince Young and Earl Campbell. It is a testament to the power of Earl Campbell’s legacy that he didn’t lose to Vince Young by that much, despite the fact he was in a Texas uniform thirty years ago.  Just a little side note. I was always an Earl Campbell fan. Thought I’d talk about it.

But seriously, I’d like for WVU to still be a top 5 team when I arrive in Morgantown on October 20th. No texts from The Truth as of yet.

John Taylor for Arlington County President! Heck, John Taylor for PRESIDENT. Mr. Taylor’s team has a big game next weekend, as does mine.  It will be fun to watch at least some of it with him in a red dress. ( Most of you have no idea what that means, but it amuses me immensely.  The soon-to-be Mrs. Taylor would be a proud member of the RWA (Red Wine Association). My West Virginia people would love her, except for her slight Virginia Tech obsession. She’s a fab lady.)

Um, that was probably not the way to start off the second half.  But again, South Florida has played a big-time team in a big time atmosphere.

Apparently, Pat White is not coming back out. 21-6, USF.

Go AUBURN! (If not a victory, at least a high ankle sprain for Tebow.) More on the Florida offense (Tebow). He has an 890 SAT. He is a running quarterback. His first instinct is to pull the ball down and run. He had 20-something carries last week and ran for two touchdowns against Ole Miss.   Last year, he played when (f*ck) Florida needed a a mobile threat under center.  And he’s white.  Hallelujah!  Things done changed!

WVU has 12 minutes to keep from going to the Gator Bowl, and the Big East has 12 minutes left of three Heisman candidates.

The Big East is down to one Heisman candidate.  Final score 21-13, University of South Florida.

I am not picking against South Florida for the rest of the season. The new Big East Game of the Year is South Florida-Cincinnati.

I just heard the Volunteer Booster Gulfstream passing over my apartment. That Jim Leavitt is some kind of coach. From nothing to a BCS conference contender in eleven years…imagine what he could do with say a team with decades of tradition, and a stadium seating over 100,000 (or 92, 000, if Michigan does not win the Big Ten and Coach Miles heads to up Ann Arbor.)

From The Insouciant Truth: “USF is the best call in the handgun state and the Big East.”

(You know I love ya’ll. I’ll get the new Insouciant Princess some WVU related gear.)

I’m out.  XOXO, MLBGG