We’ve got another short version this week, folks. Let me start by saying this. West Virginia is a lovely place to visit, with lovely people, by and large. Some of my people were thrown into turmoil by a blog post by an obnoxious type that all Washingtonians would recognize: those who don’t leave the 202 (the District’s area code for the two of you who may not know that) except to travel to National Airport, and act as if they are Lewis and Clark when they do. I won’t repeat the commentary, but suffice it to say that it was rude, and if the same things had been written about a visit to a predominantly black city, the person would have been dropped as a contributor to whatever it is he does.
I love my West Virginia people. I like my visits there, the people I work with are dedicated and have been good to me, by and large. My friends there are beyond wonderful. I love going to football games and tailgating in Morgantown (although it does not reach the art form that southern tailgating is), and I love the people watching in the Charleston Town Center Mall. I have been to some parties there that any hasher would be thrilled to attend (and from which periods of time seemed to have melted away). People were broken, cases of wine were consumed, I drank green punch and ended up in a gay bar (several times.)
Finally, I find their delusions about the Mountaineers and Big East adorable.
I hope to do another stream of consciousness next weekend, when my weekend will consist of going to buy a red dress and some high school reunion clothes with Rocky T*ts, a garter belt and thigh highs for myself (it’s a hashing thing) and taking down the braids. Tomorrow, I am strolling through Quantico for about 13 miles, and hoping no Marines come to chase me down and carry me to the straggler bus. Then I have brunch, and need to get my nails done and figure out to wear for an evening wedding in lovely Pasadena, Maryland. And I still have to decide whether I want to get a hotel room out there, so that I may have more than one glass of wine.
So I’ve got a ridiculous day coming up, and there’s one thing that truly annoys me: I’m missing football, including the SEC Game of the Week, sponsored by the Home Depot, on CBS at 3:30:
http://www.ilovewavs.com/TV/Sports/TV%20Theme%20-%20CBS,%20College%20Football.wav
( I hear that, and I know it’s time for a real football game.)
(Ok, I just noticed something incredibly funny. When I checked the link for the SEC Game of the Week theme, the related searches were “The Game,” “Jeff Gordon,” “Tony Stewart” “Georgia Tech” and “gay porn.” What that means, I don’t know.)
Being the SEC Game of the Week (and that should be capitalized) means LSU has to play in the day at Tiger Stadium. It’s just not right, I tell ya. LSU- (f*ck) Florida better be prime time. I am worried about this game, because Steve Spurrier is a great college coach, and has proven able to adapt with the little talent he has. Early Doucet is out, and Matt Flynn is not 100 percent. The South Carolina defense definitely does not suck. The ‘Cocks have two decent running backs. There are no easy conference games in the SEC.
On the other hand, Blake Mitchell threw three interceptions against South Carolina State. Les Miles did not coach in the SEC in the 1990s, so he doesn’t have that nervous tick that some coaches get (see: Fulmer, Phil) when Ole’ Ball Coach Superior appears on the sideline. Coach Superior is not his usual cocky self, realizing that LSU does have an edge in talent over his ‘Cocks. Frankly, now that Coach Superior is not with (f*ck) Florida, I am getting all nostalgic for the old days. I am looking forward to the Tennessee- South Carolina game. I expect the Superior Attitude to come back with a vengeance that week, for the last time Fulmer faces Superior as the coach of the Tennessee Volunteers.
Because the game is not at night, Early Doucet is out, Matt Flynn is not healthy, and I have a healthy respect for what Coach Superior can get out of his players (remember, (f*ck) Florida won last year on a blocked field goal), I am not predicting a blowout. I don’t think that Blake Mitchell will be allowed to throw more than 10 passes, so that’s a few less touchdowns off interceptions. Glenn Dorsey will fall down on him at some point, and Blake will go boom. LSU 30, South Carolina 12.
(f*ck) Florida at Ole Miss. There’s really no reason to discuss this game, other than the chance the Gators will score 70. Also, the Grove is beautiful, 18 MPH speed limit, beautiful co-eds, fired David Cutcliffe, don’t you feel dumb now, yada, yada, yada. Gators many, Ole Miss 9.
The most fun game of the day, and by fun, I mean limited to no defense, should be Kentucky at Arkansas. I am seeing 1000 yards of offense (with the DMcFE responsible for 300 of them by himself), a ridiculous score, and just lots of good ole fashion fun. This is a key game for Arkansas. If they can bounce back after last week’s loss against ThatTraitorous Bastard, they should still have a good season. If not, we could be looking at the SEC’s Michigan State/ Clemson. I’ll go with Arkansas because they’re hosting, and because I think Darren McFadden is one of the best college football players I will ever get to see.
Georgia at Alabama: We are all Bulldog fans now. Georgia 17, Alabama 13
Auburn, Tennessee and Mississippi State all play three random teams. One of them will lose to the random team, probably MSU, thanks to Mr. Pick Six throwing three or four interceptions.
The Mountaineers play East Carolina. I expect some extrapolation on how WVU ran for 500 yards on East Carolina, which held Virginia Tech in check, and therefore, LSU is overrated, and WVU can run on the Tigers. Ok. WVU 42, ECU 20
South Florida over North Carolina; Louisville, rather massively, over Syracuse (what the heck happened to that program?); Cincy over Marshall.
I hope Michigan wins and throws the Big Ten into total turmoil. I don’t know why Penn State is getting so much more credit than Michigan, given that both team’s best wins have come against the Pyrite Dome and Knute Rockne reincarnate. I’m going against all the experts, and picking Michigan to win this game, at Happy Valley. Start humming “The Victors” to yourself, Michigan, and maybe ya’ll will believe it again.
If Michigan State loses to Notre Dame, or if the game is even remotely close, I will start to believe that East Lansing is built on the graves of Chief Pontiac’s family and medicine man.
Ohio State really has no reason to not score 42, and to not keep Northwestern from scoring at all. Northwestern lost to Duke at home, which frankly is far more embarassing than losing to the two-time defending 1-AA champions. But it will be the typical OSU game: uncomfortably close for much longer than it needs to be.
Indiana (about 4 games away from being America’s inspirational story and the College Game Day story that makes me cry; the coach died of a brain tumor last year) plays Illinois. Illinois is awful; Ron Zook may be the one of the worst coaches of all time.
Wisconsin plays Iowa. Both states are flat and cold, just like your mom! (Sorry. I was going back and forth with some of my West Virginia people that afternoon, so a mom joke popped into my head.) Anyhoo, Wisconsin should win big (and does have the advanage of cheese, brats and beer. Heck, why is this even a contest! Advantage, Wisconsin!)
In another game that may interest those of you for whom defense is an afterthought, and if you’re looking for something to put on the TV, Purdue plays at Minnesota. Purdue has a fabulous passing game. Minnesota has a distinctly unfabulous pass defense (has given up 1300 yards and ranks 119th in pass defense), and gave up seven turnovers last week against an F_U school. I foresee many, many yards in the non-atmosphere of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome. Woe betide you, Golden Gophers.
There will be no coverage of the ACC (congrats to Miami), Pac-1.5 (except to mention that the Huskies have a very winnable game this week against UCLA, and it sure would make people happy to have them win with the Pyrite Dome going down in flames yet again) or Big 12 this week.
Finally, Buffalo Bills player Kevin Everett is back home in Houston. His doctors believe that he will be walking in months, and the NFLPA has asked the Houston Texans to adopt him as a teammate this year. I look forward to watering eyes when he comes onto the field at the Super Bowl in February 2008.
Remember him when you watch your games Saturday, and what 20 year olds risk to make our hearts sing on Saturday afternoon.