Archive for the ‘Smarter People than Me’ Category

Credit where it’s due

September 7, 2007

I gotta tell ya’ll…although I use it for a different coach for what I’m sure are different reasons, the (redacted) thing for Coach “I’m not going to Alabama” (redacted)…got that from the geniuses at Everday Should be Saturday.

If they weren’t Florida fans, they would be the perfect men.

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Your inboxes should be less full now

September 7, 2007

Hey ya’ll. I’m finally doing it, after a couple of friends have encouraged me to write a blog, rather than clog their e-mails with my epic smack on a weekly basis from August through February.  So you asked for it, and I’m here, The Mean Lil’ Black (and Gold) Girl. I’ll be posting  about things I love, namely the SEC, the Saints (yipes), putting down the Big East and the other B-S conferences, and whatever pops into my fevered little brain.  My blog is a dictatorship, but a benevolent one, and I welcome your criticism, which I will feel free to ignore.

This opening post is from an e-mail I already sent out to my friends/ frenemies during Big East-SEC contests, Big Ten-SEC contests (you get the idea).  I was astoundingly Cassandra-like, given what happened last night. I possess the power to get an NFL game turned on at the gayest bar in Washington DC (and get the gay porn and dance videos turned off), yet I am powerless to do anything about the Saints still abominable pass defense. Looks like I can expect a couple of big games from Steve Smith, since he plays my boys twice.  Or maybe it’s just an AFC thing, and I don’t understand.

Well folks, I’m thinking I’ll be too worn out and possibly depressed tomorrow after tonight’s opening game, so it’s time to get the commentary out now. A quick rundown of the Top 25 shows some games that are supposed to be better than last week, but of course, I really don’t see how that’s possible.

Oh, before I get going, look out for next’s week’s email, tenatively “The Law Enforcement Special: Riotous and Burning Smack,” in honor of next Thursday night’s ESPN game, West Virginia at Maryland.

This e-mail will cover the Top 25 (in no particular order), SEC, Big”You’re always taking pot shots at” East, and other games of interest (to me).

So here we go, in game order:

There are three Thursday games tonight, which I will not be watching.

-Middle Tennessee State at Louisville: expect Louisville to run up the score.

Oregon State at Cinncinnati: Huh? Beavers beat Bearcats. (I liked typing that, but does anyone know what a Bearcat is, other than a thuggish juco recruit being given a “second chance” by Bob Huggins? Oh wait, that’s now a Mountaineer!)

-Navy at Rutgers: Love those spunky Navy kids, but if Rutgers doesn’t win this by 20, they and everyone else should reconsider their status as a Big East contender. Ray Rice should seriously have 200 yards and 4 touchdowns.

Saturday:

The Game of the Day: Virginia Tech at LSU, which one clever blogger dubbed the “Tragedy Bowl.” (Strike Zones and End Zones)

(Did anyone see the Seinfeld where George was trying to get the co-op against an Andrea Doria survivor: Hey, we’ll see your 32 dead people by 1500 more, including some that drowned in their attics, plus add in a non-responsive federal government and our campus being turned into a refugee camp! Fats Domino in our star quarterback’s apartment! Fats Domino! Beat that, suckers!)

Anyhoo, as I leave my quick detour into the land of bad taste,  LSU is a 12.5 point favorite over VT. I think LSU covers that, but only because the LSU defense is  much better than the Virginia Tech offense.  I wouldn’t look for scillintilating offenseive football. I see Sean Glennon running for his life and failing miserably. The LSU offense isn’t great, but Matt Flynn won’t try and make something happen where nothing exists, which means turnovers should be limited. Even Les Miles should have the special teams looking for the block, and itty-bitty Trindon Holliday (he weighs less than the Golden Boot, the trophy for the Arkansas-LSU game that has been safely enconsed in the LSU trophy case for some time now) is really, really, really fast. It will be uncomfortably close, and my stomach will hurt, and I will drunkenly text message various friends. But LSU wins. The crowd does make a difference.

West Virginia at Marshall: The Friends of Coal Bowl (boycotted by one John Bailey). I don’t care that this is an in-state game. Bob Pruett either was 1) a genius; 2) made some sort of pact with the devil. In either event, Marshall has sucked spectacularly since he left, and there’s no reason for that not to continue now.  This should be similar to last week for WVU.

Nebraska at Wake Forest: I still doubt Bill Callahan. It doesn’t matter to me if Nebraska wins the Big 12 this year, beats Texas (Mack Brown needs another savior/ QB) or lucks out against Oklahoma. But WF’s starting QB is not playing due to his separated shoulder, so I’ll go with Nebraska.  

Miami at Oklahoma: five or six years ago, this would have been the game of the week, a potentially epic ESPN instant classic. Now it’s just gonna show how much more Miami needs to do to rebuild. Oklahoma big over Miami.

Akron at Ohio State: No one ever complains about the patsies Ohio State always has on its schedule. That’s because Ohio State can point out that the schools are all in-state rivals, and that it was a competitive series back in 1920. Ohio State, not suffering from Michigan-itis.

La-Monroe (formerly Northeastern) at Clemson: Watch this happen. After smothering FSU, Clemson will find some way to make this game more interesting that it has any right to be, ant least for a quarter or so.  Clemson, although not by the 50 points it should be.

Samford at Georgia Tech: Georgia Tech started off the year so beautifully, by making Notre Dame look as bad as they are, that I can’t bring myself to say anything bad about them.  Georgia Tech.

Cal-Look we have 2 big wins-Berkley at Colorado State: So this week, the engineers and smelly hippies can go back to their normal lives and do equations on Saturdays and save the forest nymphs.  Cal wins, but in a closer game than people expect.

Fresno State at Texas A&M: Fresno State plays anyone, anywhere. And when they play good teams, they get smoked. I’m not so sure about this one, because I’ve just seen Texas A&M choke one too many times in the Franchione era. A&M is another one of those teams that’s always poised to compete for a Big 12 title, yada yada, and yet they never do. If there was any game I’d pick as an upset, it’s this one. So I’ll go out on a limb, and do so.

Boise State at Washington: I’m just picking Washington. I’ll be honest. I love the uniforms, and I can’t imagine a much better thing than Ty Willingham’s Huskies having a much better record for this season than Charlie ‘Rockne” Weis’ Irish. Plus I love the shots of the stadium.

South Carolina at Georgia: Before last week, I might have picked South Carolina to win.  That was before Georgia shut down the greatest offense on earth. I’ll go with Georgia here, although Steve Superior will find a way to make it briefly interesting.

Notre Dame at Penn State: last year, Notre Dame won this game 47-17. This year, I don’t think Notre Dame will reach double digits. And that makes my heart glad.

Troy at (f*ck) Florida: Now, Troy is not to be taken lightly, and has given teams fits in the past. Florida wins, but it may be fun to see Troy not get run off the field until the second half.

BYU at UCLA: UCLA.  (I really have nothing to say about this game.)

TCU at Texas: So last week, it took some late game heroics to ensure that Texas didn’t become a second Michigan as they faced Arkansas State. I feel a creeping case of the Mack Brown coming on for the Longhorns: superior talent with unsuperior coaching+motivated team with a lot to prove=sad, drunk night in Austin. And the last time Texas played a purple team, whoa, Nellie! I’m not saying it hits this week, but the Mack Brown is gonna hit hard sometimes this season.

Southern Miss at Tennessee: Um, I hope that the Vols’ defense was sufficiently embarassed last week to show up this week.  I’m gonna go with Tennessee here, in what should be at least a 14 point win, but I foresee bad juju ahead if things go wrong, and Southern Miss wins this game.  As I previously stated, this is NOT Murray State the Vols are playing.

Hawaii at La Tech: First of all, I’ve always found the whole concept of “Lousiana Tech” to be an amusing one. Not that there are not engineers in Louisianabut I’m pretty convinced that most people’s technical genius has gone into building a better fishing boat, grill, or deep fryer, or some way to dispense alcohol in the most efficient yet tasty manner possible.  And La Tech is in the north, which I like to call “Texas.”  In any event, Colt Brennan scores 17 touchdowns, etc, etc, what an offensive show, yada yada yada. Only the thick air can keep Hawaii under 60.

South Florida at Auburn: here’s the game that many experts are picking for the upset. And that, my friends in the Big East looking for that upset, is your and South Florida’s problem. Auburn is Philly to Alabama’s New York. They are the red-headed, left handed stepchild who managed to graduate as valedictorian from high school, get a doctorate from an Ivy League school, and still gets the package of socks for Christmas from grandma, while the blood relative gets a golf trip to Hilton Head.  If there is any coach and any team that thrives on being disrespected, it is the Auburn Tigers and Tommy Tuberville. Bobby Petrino almost had Tommy Tuberville’s job one year before he went undefeated.  I see a locker room with blown up clips about how K-State almost won, and the explosive South Florida offense, headed by their adorable little quarterback (he’s like Flutie-size), and the speedy defense that shut down WVU’s two Heisman candidates.

And then I see that same adorable South Florida QB on the sidelines after he’s been knocked out in the first quarter.

Auburn, baby.

Wisconsin at UNLV: Is it too early to anoint them Big Ten champs, send them to the Rose Bowl, and be done with discussing that conference?

Other games of interest (to me): 

Grambling State at Pitt. I sure hope Grambling wins, as they are 1-AA, or whatever duma&& name the NCAA gave 1-AA. Better yet, I hope the band goes up. Because that would be cool. Pitt should win, though. Bleh.

Duke at Virginia:

If Duke gets its first win in what…2 years…against Virginia, Al Groh should be fired the same day. But UVa may just be that bad.

Oregon at Michigan (snort): I wondered why I hadn’t discussed this game in my Top 25, and then I remembered, and then I started to giggle, and then it turned into the cackling sound that I make. Part of me wants Oregon to crush Michigan, sending them on a huge tailspin and knocking Mike Hart irrevocably out of the Heisman race (because he did put on a show last week, the only bring spot in the Medium House). But then I thought, wouldn’t it be AWESOME if Michigan got it together, and won the Big Ten, and the Rose Bowl rep lost to a 1-AA team? So I will now be a Michigan fan for the rest of the season.

Alabama at Vanderbilt: Go Vandy!! If not, I’ll have to listen/ feel/ telepathically receive noise from Alabama about how they’re back, and the Tide will win the West, and yada yada, so on so forth.  PS.. F*ck (redacted).

Mississppi State at Tulane: If MSU can’t beat my alma mater, they should forfeit the remainder of the season, fire Sylvester Croom, and cancel the football program until such time as they are ready to start handing over cash hand over fist.

Kent State at Kentucky: this is no gimme for the Wildcats, as a couple of teams learned last week. Iowa State lost at home to Kent State.  I still think no one wants a case of Michigan-itis, so I go with Kentucky.  But the MAC is not to be trifled with lightly, which brings me to…

Miami of Ohio at Minnesota: New coach, four less idiotic players, all hyped up….and then there goes Bowling Green. Miami has usually been better than Bowling Green. Another loss to the MAC before a schedule that includes three of out of the four Big Ten heavyweights (and yes, I still count Michigan for that purpose) does not make for a bowling season.