Archive for the ‘Your Conference Blows’ Category

It Takes an SEC Man

January 8, 2008

photo

(Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images)

More later…..congrats to the Michigan Man who did what Lloyd Carr couldn’t: b*tch slap the Sweatervest.  The young men who delivered an undisputed national championship to my state last night may have been (redacted)’s recruits, but this is emphatically Les Miles’ team.

I now have a new favorite Big 12 team (unless they are playing LSU), of course.

Don’t worry, Herby. tOSU can lose to Georgia next year: Kickin’ Yo Ass for 75 Years.

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If football had an NIT

December 7, 2007

Seriously, this one of the funnier and more creative things I’ve seen in a while.

I guess if you’re a Minnesota fan (six-time national champs! before anyone reading this was born!), you’ve got to have a sense of humor.

That, and all that time they spend indoors drinking, since they live in Minnesota.

No Air in My Balloons

November 27, 2007

It is hard to get up the energy for this one. My Tigers couldn’t stop a totally one dimensional team (ie, The Darren McFadden Experience) that took out its erstwhile quarterback for its only effective pass plays. The defense looked bad in the second half.  I don’t know if was that we were outcoached (by the next head coach of Ole Miss?), or just plain old worn out.  The defense looked awful, especially in the second half.   I know that everyone is hurt, but I didn’t expect that level of play from LSU. It was the most disappointing loss I’ve seen since the 2005 SEC title game, in which we were demolished and chopped into tiny bits.  Our luck, mojo, or whatever you want to call it, finally ran out last Friday evening.  And that sucks.

Our quest for the national title is over and out.  Unless we beat the Volunteers, we are headed to a random New Year’s Day Bowl instead of the Sugar Bowl. I have no idea what will happen in the SECCG (the original, and still the best).  Tennessee is happy to be there; LSU is somewhat disappointed with the way the season is going.  Tennessee’s coach is staying; ours is still looking to be Michigan’s next head coach.  I still think we can pull it together for one more game, and then have a month to heal before the Sugar.  I think we can do it, but the question is, whether my boys believe they can. 

 Rocky T*ts and I will discuss the SEC Championship Game in the most random terms this week; we will not discuss it at all on Saturday; and then the winner gets a five minute gloat following the game.  Even better, this year, I will be in North Carolina, and she will be here. It’s really safer for everyone that way.

Right now, we’re looking at a West Virginia- Missouri title game, which I’m sure sends Fox executives looking for a building to jump off.  WVU-Ohio State is just as potentially stimulating. I’ve been involved in an email spat all day with friends from West Virginia, who were insulted at the notion that I called their fan base rednecks who don’t know how to act, especially on their special Monday morning at the top of the BCS.  Here’s some news for you, Mountaineer fans: there are rednecks in all 50 states.  Don’t have a tizzy when ya’ll get called that. It’s really ok.   As for not knowing how to act, my favorite Mountaineer blog is called “We Must Ignite This Couch.”  I didn’t make that up to hurt your feelings.  I am, however, linking to this post to annoy ya’ll. Remind me to not go to a baseball game in Charleston again. I’m amazed I made it out the stadium. Hopefully someone in the Power marketing department has taken the description in question down, before someone uses it for negative recruting, or before some skinheads buy it.  In any event, West Virginia has to beat Pitt, and Pitt is cover-your-eyes awful, and the game is in Morgantown. Pitt has about zero chance of winning the game.  Here’s an article praising the hard work ethic Coach Rodriguez displays in tricking talent into leaving the warmth of SEC country for Morgantown.  

The other game bearing on the BCS title game is the Big 12 Championship, Missouri and Oklahoma. I never really watch the Big 12. Don’t have much of a reason.  I hope Mizzou wins, if only to spare the nation the pain of a WVU-Sweatervests matchup.  The possibility of WVU- OSU represents a special kind of hell to me. Either I’ll be faced with endless bragging about how the Big East represents the future of college athletics, and how this game means the downfall of the SEC as the nation’s premier football power, or how this game means that the Big Ten is the best conference, and last year’s BCS game was a terrible fluke. Please, please Mizzou! Beat OU!  I do think that Missouri would at least be a better game. But the top two still have to win their games this Saturday; as we’ve all seen this year (hullo, Trojans), that is no guarantee, even when the team is as bad as Pitt. And if both the BCS top 2 lose:

  vs. http://www.dawgsports.com/section/football Pray it doesn’t come to that.

 Virginia Tech plays Boston College for the ACC title.  Go Hokies!

Finally, the MLBGG can’t stand the Redskins, but is praying that Sean Taylor recovers.

Greetings and Salutations

November 20, 2007

Greetings and Salutations from still beautiful and still here New Orleans, Louisiana.  I flew in from 40 degree Arlington, and landed in 78 degree, no humidity (which only happens occasionally) sunshine. Fantastic! I started my three days  in New Orleans  with a trip to Mandina’s, a restaurant I highly recommend.  I had a seafood platter which was both lunch and dinner, which is impressive if you knew how much I can eat. An absolutely wonderful start to my trip, and to this holiday season.

 The Mean Lil’ Black and Gold Girl welcomes Princess Truth to the world. In twenty years, I expect to hear a defense of why West Virginia represents the pinnacle of not only college football, but of all amateur athletics since the turn of the 20th century.  Her birth prevented her mother, but not her dad, from watching yet another exciting weekend of college football.  I am glad she’s here.

Due to traveling and the holiday rush (which began around Veterans’ Day for me), I’ve been and will likely continue to post somewhat erratically for the next few weeks.  I am excited for this upcoming weekend,  as we have Hate Week, Part Deux to finish the regular season, and then three conference championships, two of which I normally don’t care about.  There were some great games this past weekend (I know about a dozen people who became huge Red Raider fans Saturday night),  but the biggest event in college football happened today. Lloyd Carr, to no one’s surprise, resigned from Michigan today, thereby throwing the remainder of LSU’s season into relative turmoil. A few words about Lloyd Carr. He was a lifer. He loved, and loves that school. By all accounts, he is a genuinely good man.  He fell victim to what John Cooper(Ohio State’s coach before the Sweatervest arrived) did: over the past few years, Coach Carr could not beat his biggest rival.  So out the door he goes, to be an assistant AD emeritus.  (Oh, he also fell victim to the 1950s style football that the Big Ten Plus One is still playing. But this is a tribute of a sort.)  In any event, all may not be smooth sailing for Coach Les’ departure to the semi-frozen tundra.   3rd Saturday in Blogtober offers some good analysis of their enemy’s coaching situation.  I don’t think we’re talking about a Dean Smith-Matt Doherty situation here (Doherty managed to piss off every one at UNC after he got there, not beforehand, and Lloyd Carr does not have Dean Smith status…maybe Roy Williams). But it does seem he has enough clout to put the kibosh on what everyone thought was a done deal.

Another thing to consider is that Coach Les’ fortunes can take a considerable upswing if his boys can win three more games.  Big Ten schools don’t pay that kind of money, Coach Sweatervest and the Iowa Genius aside. If Coach Les stays through January 8, that’s certainly entering into his calculations, “Michigan Man,” or not.

Anyway, don’t get your panties in a bunch, Coach Carr. Enjoy the retirement and try to get some sun.  Michigan boosters, remember that we here in Louisiana can put a curse on your team if you mess with Coach Les before the SEC Championship Game (The Original, and Still the Best).  Thank you for your interest, the MLBGG.

If Coach Les does head north for frozen pastures and an easier conference, apparently Tommy Tuberville would be more than happy to move to Baton Rouge. I would not object to that. At all.

A quick note on the LSU- Ole Miss game. First of all, I thought I was hallucinating when I saw a black kid playing quarterback for Ole Miss.  Secondly, LSU does not have a great defense, not at this stage of the year.  LSU has played one perfect game, against Virginia Tech, and played one perfect quarter, against Florida.  The last few weeks of the season have not been awe inspiring.   Great defenses don’t allow the 2007 edition of Ole Miss to hang around. Great defenses don’t allow 466 yards against anyone, let alone this year’s Ole Miss. Coach Les admitted that Brent Schaeffer wasn’t in their gameplan. (But heck, who would have a mobile QB in the gameplan when playing Ole Miss? They haven’t had a mobile quarterback since Archie Manning, and the other thing…well, everyone got thrown for a loop). That lack of preparation by the coaching staff is the kind of thing that we can’t have happen the next three weeks.  Glenn Dorsey hasn’t been the same since the chop block against Auburn, we’re starting a true freshman on the d-line because everyone else is hurt, and our starting middle linebacker is hurt. Ole Miss continued to expose a glaring weakness in the LSU defense that we saw against Kentucky, an ability to defend effectively against four receiver sets.  But you know what? LSU won by 17

But the 17 point victory wasn’t the domination that the media conspiracy was looking for, and pundits are predicting doom and gloom for LSU:

 The Tigers face Arkansas and arguably the nation’s best running back, Darren McFadden, next week. Then they will play either Tennessee or Georgia in the SEC championship game on Dec. 1. All three teams are flawed, but dangerous. And they’re talented and perceptive enough on offense to capitalize on the clues Ole Miss left for them like a trail of bread crumbs. – From Yahoo Sports

As for Arkansas, that game is at LSU. The Darren McFadden Experience will have 200 yards of total offense. I accept that. But the game is at LSU. And LSU’s biggest issue is against the pass. You need a quarterback for a passing game. Casey Dick is a less talented John Parker Wilson.  It will be like nearly every other LSU game this year. Uncomfortably close, but LSU will win it late.  The Championship Game? I’ll just have to see which Tennessee shows up against Kentucky this Saturday. If the Georgia of the last few weeks shows up, that will pose quite a problem for the Tigers.  What the boys need most is to get through the next two weeks, and then have a month to heal. 

I believe in the Tigers. I don’t believe in the delusional- Michigan/ Big-Ten-fan-from-last year-way. If LSU loses, then we lose.  We will go down fighting. We wil not give up, roll over and play dead.  If LSU loses either of the next two games,  then I will watch LSU play another January bowl, and tilt my beer to the two teams that managed to run the gauntlet and impress the media conspiracy.  But I think this team is something special.  The boys win despite a coaching staff that doesn’t get them fully prepared and makes questionable calls (not a good way to enhance the resumes, Coaches).  Glenn Dorsey gave up beaucoup bucks to come back and try to win a national title. He’s been playing hurt for a month. Matt Flynn is smart, saavy, and just athletic enough. Jacob Hester moves mountains.  Early Doucet is a game-breaker.  We have seem to have 100 running backs, who all give everything every down.  Ali Highsmith just smacks people around.  Chevis Jackson and Jonathan Zenon seem to have been starting forever.   Craig Steltz hits about 1/2 as hard as Laron Landry, which means twice as hard as most other college safeties.  Itty-bitty Trindon Holliday is gone once he has a step (as I’ve noted, he weighs less than the Boot).   We’ve got a team of juniors and seniors with two consecutive BCS bowls behind them; a coach who abandoned them for bigger and better things; another coach who is seriously considering doing the same (although Michigan is bigger, I can’t really say it’s better, unless you like snow, bratwurst, and less pretty girls); a team that lost four players to the first round of the NFL draft, and has a new offensive coordinator who likes to pull Mountain West crap.  And, oh, there was the little matter of the weather systems that passed over the central and western Gulf Coasts during their stay at LSU.  I say bring on Mark Richt and his theatrics and his New Jersey running back. Bring on next year’s number 1 draft pick. Bring on schizophrenic Tennessee and letters of support from NFL players. Bring on the Big 12 Team du Jour, West Virginia, or whoever else comes.  Katrina and Rita could not truly defeat us; what chance do mere humans have?  I believe in the Tigers.

Anyhoo, West Virginia seems to be peaking at the right time, if by uncomfortably close margins.   But let’s be clear about the big story in the Big East this year: Connecticut, which played 1-AA football until 2000, and joined the Big East in football in 2004, will finish no worse than second in the conference.   Huskies, say thank you and goodbye to Randy Edsall.  That game is in Morgantown. Too much offense for the Huskies to handle.  Book your tickets to the Sun Bowl. ( UConn at least deserves a trip to someplace not freezing cold. One site had the Huskies going to the International Bowl. Yeesh) . Speaking of bowl projections, as of today, both CBS and College Football News have a LSU-WVU national championship.  I refrain from any comment about that possibility until such time that it actually occurs.   However, I would note that WVU does not have a good history when playing in New Orleans, and I would also warn any Mountaineer fans who are used to mouthing off to Morgantown police and West Virginia state troopers that New Orleans’ finest crack skulls, even of white college kids.  And that’s all I’ll say about that until December 2. Heck, my Tigers still have to get through the train wreck that is Arkansas, and then the SEC Championship (keep trying, and maybe one day you’ll be as good) before we worry about a BCS berth.

A huge salute to Dennis Dixon, Oregon Ducks quarterback, and the kid who might have won the Heisman, had he not torn his ACL on NOVEMBER 3. That’s right; he started the Arizona game with a completely torn ACL, and still played. As a matter of fact, he outran the Arizona defense before coming out the game.  Along with Byron Leftwich being carried by his linemen to continue playing, this has to be one of the dumbest, but guttiest performances of any college football player.   Dennis Dixon, you are SEC-worthy.  Heal up, kid, so you can buy momma, who didn’t raise a wimp, a new house.  From EDSBS, through the Eugene, Oregon Register Guard. For true football idiocy, which lives on through the ages, check out the story of the fabulously named Jack Youngblood. Know why chop blocks are illegal? Snapped fibulas.

My friend from the boonies (meaning Woodbridge) throughly enjoyed last Saturday’s pass-fest, Texas Tech over Oklahoma. Boy, was I ever gloriously mistaken about that game.  Congrats to the Texas Longhorns.

 Finally: per Sports by Brooks, since Arrowhead Stadium is an NFL locale, there will be beer for the Border War.   Let’s see:  people who have been tailgating since Thanksgiving, a rivalry that literally celebrates destruction, murder and terrorism, and a BCS bid to boot?  Woe betide Kansas City! There’s a reason there are so many episodes of Cops filmed there.  I am so watching that game.

Wait, I forgot one thing. There was a terrible loss in college football, one that hurt LSU’s strength of schedule, diminished the achievements of Sylvester Croom, and should make Tennessee feel more embarassed than they already are for almost losing to Vandy.  But on the other hand:

From Roll Bama Roll

From 3rd Saurday in Blogtober

Next: My invitation to Coach Rodriguez (and Coach Tuberville, too); Tim Tebow (ick) for Heisman (I can’t believe my fingers typed that); Hate Week Part Deux, featuring the  Border War, the Hole in the Ground Bowl,  a Longhorn vs. Lassie, and the game it is your duty as an American to watch:  Navy vs Army.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

XOXO, MLBGG

(PS…Ole Miss fans. I’m sorry for my incredulous references to your backup QB, but you’re Ole Miss, for goodness sakes.)

Your conference blows, and so does (redacted)

November 3, 2007

So this week, the media has decided the most important game this week is between the Arizona State Sun Devils, who have a very good season about once a decade (the Dennis Erickson countdown is on…if you believe he’ll be at ASU in two years, I have some nice property along the Mississippi River Gulf Outlet I’d like to show you), and the Ugliest Uniforms in All Sports, aka the Oregon Ducks.  ASU is high ranked by virtue of everyone else losing. Oregon is a better team, and the game is at Oregon. If Dennis Dixon (?) has a big game, he becomes, according to the media conspiracy, the front runner for the Heisman. Really, I don’t care, and would pay no attention, except for the fact I’ve read noises that the winner of this game might leapfrog LSU in the BCS, which would be crap, and that Oregon is “the best one loss team in America.”

They are the best one loss team in America because they play in the Pac 1.5.  LSU would be the best no loss team in America, as would (f*ck Florida), Auburn and Georgia, while Vanderbilt would maybe lose two games, if one of those SEC schools suddenly switched places with a Pac 1.5 school. Heck, even Ole Miss would be bowl eligible.  In any event, Oregon wins the alleged game of the week.

Now, back to real football. Of course, the real game of the week is between the LSU Tigers and the Alabama Crimson Whine, coached by (redacted), the Larry Brown of football.  (Hey, WVU fans! Did you know (redacted) is from Fairmont? Wonder why he didn’t want to stay around and coach the mighty Mountaineers?)  I think that LSU will win this game on Saturday, thanks to an experienced team that really doesn’t seem to panic much, despite our balls-for-brains coach. (A measure of the disrespect Coach Miles is getting, compared to (redacted), is the number of places I’ve seen Alabama, which doesn’t have the near the talent, picked over LSU.  For all the people who keep saying it’s not about the coaches, sure seems to be, eh?). Early Doucet is back; the running back by committee has had a week to rest; and someone is putting on Laron Landry’s number to send John Parker Wilson into a fetal position.  I think that Glenn Dorsey is angry at the state of Alabama, and will behave accordingly. I am not expecting the Tigers to win by a touchdown, but I do think that we go into Tuscaloosa, and come out as frontrunners for SEC West champions. It will be a brutal game.  Please, coaches (this means you, Coach Crowton. That Mountain West crap doesn’t work down south), no trickeration. Just pound the rock. Really, really hard.  Alabama can’t stop it. 

 Here’s what kills me: I know that (redacted), no matter what happens this season, will win a national championship for the Crimson Whine. It is an inevitability. He is a great coach (gag), a fantastic recruiter (ick), and his defenses play with ferocity (which is what Big East, Pac 1.5….who are we kidding….it’s what other conferences’ defenses lack).  But I rest easy, knowing that after he wins his national championship for the Crimson Whine, he will leave Alabama, because his ego demands it. He will move on to another place because he is bored. He is the Larry Brown of football. (Redacted) will move to the NFL again, to give it another try, because he has will have proven that he has reached the top of the mountain in NCAA football twice, and from the very best conference that is or ever will be (75 years of kickin’ yo’ ass).  But I digress. What I meant to say was f*ck (redacted), and may he wake up with an earth shattering migraine.

Anyhoo, other games of interest to myself. In the Greatest Conference in America, South Carolina is visiting Arkansas.  Arkansas has the Darren McFadden Experience and Felix Jones, your Secretariat and Seattle Slew of the human world. South Carolina has Steve Spurrier. Advantage, Gamecocks! (I have determined that the only force that can stop Darren McFadden is Houston Nutt).

Vanderbilt at (f*ck) Florida: depends on how Tebow’s shoulder is doing.  I just can’t believe the Gators will lose against Vandy at home, but they could be suffering a hangover from the Cocktail Party, combined with the beating they took when Mark Richt finally let his personality out of whatever box he had it in on the sidelines.  I’ll go with the Gators, but of course, I’ll not be upset if the smart kids take another step toward bowl eligibility (speaking of coach watches, Vandy’s coach is gone the minute they have a winning season.)

Troy at Georgia: If Georgia lost this game, exactly no SEC fans would be surprised. After the effort against the Gators, if any school is ripe for a letdown, it’s the Bulldogs. And Troy is no cupcake.  I’ll go Georgia, but in a disturbingly close game for Bulldog fans.

There are some other SEC games, but they are against random schools, so I will not waste my heartbeats.  In the Former Big Eight Plus Texas Teams from the Old SWC, there are a couple of interesting games.  Nebraska (Bill Callahan has put his house on the market) is at Kansas, where it’s basketball season, and the football Jayhawks are still relevant. Wow. I keep picking against Kansas, thinking that they just can’t be for real, with the cupcake schedule, and being Kansas. Why stop now? I’ll pick Nebraska to upset Kansas, and send them plummetting down the BCS poll.  Not because I believe in Nebraska, but just because I’m a hater.

Texas visits Oklahoma State, home of hothead, non-sensical coaches. Texas has not overwhelmed anyone this season, and Oklahoma State has given Texas fits in the past. I’ll go with Texas in a game that will give one of my buddies a huge, huge fit.

Texas A&M at Oklahoma: Oklahoma. Why play for a coach when you know he’s sold you out?

In the Big Ten Plus One, Ohio State should beat up on Wisconsin, and Michigan State should continue the annual implosion against the Big Ten Plus One team I am rooting for, Michigan.

In the ACC (keep trying, boys), Clemson will struggle against Duke for a good half or so. Why? Because that’s what Clemson does. They’ll pull it out. Barely. Florida State travels to Boston College in a game that is frankly depressing, because it will likely be another example of just how far the Seminoles have fallen from national relevance.  The only good that can come out of this game is Matt Ryan being broken (not permanently, of course), thus derailing his Heisman candidacy, and the talk of BC in the national title game. 

Go Navy! If you love America, you should cheer for Navy. Whose side do you think God is really on? A bunch of self-righteous dorks in the middle of a field in Indiana, led by a shmoo shaped coach (but he lacks Shmoo’s charm and cuteness), or kids who are gonna get shot at after they graduate from college?

There are a couple of games of note in the Big East. Let’s give a shout out to the top team in the conference, Connecticut!  Rutgers has been beat up and beat down. I’m going with the Huskies.  Cincinnati (what is a bearcat?) is at South Florida.  The Bulls get back on track, but just barely.

Finally, I said I’d discuss why the Big East will never be as good, top to bottom, as the SEC. It’s not tradition, it’s not the devotion of the fan base, it’s not the tailgating (maybe…no, I’m wrong there. SEC tailgating is an art form, while Big East tailgating….do they even do that…I’m getting distracted). It’s your recruiting base, and for purposes of this discussion, I’m talking the Big East “heartland” so to speak, not what you got when South Florida joined the conference.  I know that in this age, it’s not an automatic that kids are going to suit up for the State U of whatever state they come from. They have internet access, huge egos, and have to be wined and dined.  But recruits are by and large, still children who often don’t want to stray too far from home, and would like to play in their backyards if they can play what they want. And if you have access to a ton of those kids, who really would like to be close to home, it makes your life much easier to recruit.

Football is the be-all end all high school sport in two of the Big East “heartland states”: Pennsylvania (and I’m giving you, because it’s right on the border), Ohio.  The Big East is at an automatic disadvantage in those two states. Football is IT in every SEC state except Kentucky.  Coaches for Florida, LSU, Alabama, Auburn and Georgia could field good teams without ever having to leave their states. (Although the SEC welcomes kids seeking to escape the cold of New Jersey, and places like that.)  Big East state populations are shrinking, by and large. West Virginia’s got maybe 1.5 million people, and a million of those are old.  

A school by school rundown:

WVU: an aging population with limited football factory potential. Two schools in Morgantown and Parkersburg South does not a recruiting hotbed make.  WVU, as evidenced by its  star quarterback and running back, plus its most famous NFL player, currently on probation, has to go out of state to get talent. Pennsylvania Steve Slaton should be at Maryland (great job, Fridge), while Pat White is from Alabama, and might be at LSU right now, but he wanted to play quarterback.  It’s just harder for the Mountaineers to recruit, although Coach Rodriguez has done a fine job. But eventually, he may find himself wanting to go someplace where it’s not such a supreme effort to get enough good kids, and where he doesn’t have to pick where to place his best athletes.

Louisville: Football will always be second to basketball in Kentucky, and at Louisville. If the Louisville football job wasn’t a steppingstone, Bobby Petrino would still be there.

Cincinnati: If they’re lucky, they can be the number 2 football school in Ohio. But that would require the decline of the MAC.  Ohio’s like Florida with awful weather and burning rivers. And Cincinnati is a basketball school, too. Maybe it’s sharing the border with Kentucky.

Rutgers: probably has the best shot of any Big East team of building itself into a consistent national power IF Greg Schiano wants to do the work, just because he’s sitting on the riches-by-default of the tri-state area.  Depends of the committment of the administration to Rutgers football.

South Florida: I love what they’ve done in 12 years, but they are still the fifth team in Florida (Florida, FSU, Miami, UCF). Florida’s like the Colorado. Eventually, the talent runs dry for the rest of the Big East (upstream). When it comes down to it, a lot of those boys don’t want to be too far from their mamas and don’t want to be cold.  Two strikes against most of the Big East.

Connecticut: basketball will always be number 1 and 2 (men and women’s) to football. UConn also has to compete with Rutgers for the same talent pool.

Syracuse: I’ve never understood why they were any good to begin with. I don’t see how anyone from south of the Mason Dixon line could go someplace where winter starts in October and ends in April, and did I mention it snows a lot there? Syracuse competes with the Big Ten for kids from that neck of the woods, because you’d have to be from Big Ten country to tolerate the weather.  And imagine the campus visits of a top recruit from Pennsylvania: he goes to State College on a beautiful fall night. They do the white-out thing. ABC is there. The game is nationally televised.  Then he goes to Syracuse, where he sees a game on at noon on ESPN2 in a half-full climate controlled, sound sucking dome. (And then he travels to Florida or Texas, and decides that pretty girls and warm weather will make football more fun.)  It will take mighty work to keep Syracuse football from going permanently in the toilet.

Pitt: another case of being the second school in the state. I know that Pitt was, for a time, competing with Penn State for recruits. Pitt even won a national title. And then Johnny Majors went home to Tennessee, and that was that.  If Pitt could get the right sort of person to recruit (not the Mustache), Pitt has potential as well. Unfortunately, Pitt’s new coach (whoever that will be) will have to remind the recruits’ parents when Pitt was great, and sent players to the NFL.

And that’s it. The Big East is composed of schools in basketball states; schools that are lucky to be second (or third banana) in their states; a football program with potential, but that was moribund for so long, making it into a national power will take resources the school may not be willing to spend; and a state with an aging population. And oh, by the way, the ACC took most of your TV market and revenue when Miami, Virginia Tech and Boston College left. I don’t get Big East games unless they are on ESPN.  This is not to say that the Big East, as currrently constituted, will not have moments of greatness. This is not to say the Big East cannot be better than it is now, or that the Big East lacks in talent (it doesn’t, thanks to some out of area recruiting). But the Big East starts at a disadvantage that none of the other conferences, especially the SEC and Pac 1.5 have.

And that is all.

I wonder if USC will have to give back its’ crystal football?

My heart needs the break

October 27, 2007

It’s Halloween weekend. Tonight I am resting and enjoying an evening by my lonesome. Tomorrow, I’m off to Virginia Beach for a….um..stroll around several establishments with a few dozen of my closest friends, and some people who scare me.  I will be a referee for Halloween, as I am a League Commissioner. ( We’ll be having a live draft on Saturday. I still have to go with my original number one pick, despite his absence from the festivities, instead of his best buddy. Youth before beauty! I know that almost no one knows what that meant, but that’s ok. It’s my dictatorship.) And thankfully, after last weekend’s near-death experience, LSU has a bye week, so I don’t have to worry about trying to find a TV to watch, staying sober enough to start watching a game at 9 p.m., or shattering the glass in whatever house or establishment I am watching the game.  Like every weekend, there are games of interest and importance, even if I’m not particularly absorbed. We’ll go backwards this week, and start with games in the lesser conferences. 

WVU at Rutgers: After weeks of upsets, WVU is back in the BCS championship game talk.  The Moutaineers have more talent, and should win.  Much like Kentucky last weekend, I don’t think Rutgers can put up a supreme effort two weeks in a row, and a supreme effort is what it will take to defeat the Mountaineers. Rutgers’ best advantages are that they are at home, and the Mountaineer pass defense is not good. The WVU D will wisely be keyed on Ray Rice. If Teel can manage to get some long accurate passes off, this might be a better game than I think it will be.  I’ll go with the Mountaineers in a close one. (I wonder where Coach Rodriguez will go next year? There should be some very nice jobs opening up.) 

Nebraska at Texas: There was a time where this would have been a marquee game. Now it’s the Bill Callahan countdown (yet another job that will be open in 2008) against a Texas team that finally got that case of the Mack Brown I was talking about.  The road to the Alamo Sunshine Bowl, sponsored by Poulan Weedeaters, goes through Austin! Nebraska not only has less talent than Texas; the boys on that team have flat out quit on Callahan. Texas, in a big, huge way.  (PS…Bo…hold out for a better job. Why do you want to freeze your a&& off on the Great Plains?)

Kansas at Texas A&M: somewhere, a schedule of creampuffs, cupcakes and girls’ schools has got to catch up with Kansas. I believe that this is the week, since Dennis Franchione will be looking to spice up the resume for potential new employers.

Cal at Arizona State: Wow. From national championship contender to….Holiday Bowl, if they’re lucky. ASU is highly ranked because everyone else lost. I really have nothing to say about this game. Whomever is coaching ASU will not be there next year. There are better jobs in the Pac 1.5 and nationwide. Because I don’t care, and that’s the way the season goes, I’ll go Cal. Let’s continue to screw everything to hell!

USC at Oregon: Autzen Stadium will be absolutely rocking. Will USC be blinded by the ugliest uniforms ever in any sport?  Will the USC of old, swaggering and proud, show up, or the one that forgot Stanford was a Division 1-A football team appear? USC has played distinctly lackluster football in the past few weeks. The Trojans barely beat Washington and an awful Arizona team, and of course, there was the Stanford debacle. I think that the USC people think USC is supposed to be will show up in Oregon tomorrow. I go with the Trojans. It should be epic, or as epic as Pac 1.5 football gets.

Ohio State at Penn State: Penn State is not good. They really aren’t. If the Sweatervests don’t step up and beat down Penn State, they are a fraud.  I know about the white-out, and the alleged intimidation factor of playing at Penn State, but seriously, this should really not be a close game if Ohio State is really championship caliber.  I advise SEC fans (and even those from the Pac 1.5  and Big 12 South) to not watch this game, as they may become ridiculously bored and frustrated at the slow speed of play.

UCLA at Washington State: I just bring up this game because I bet UCLA will blow it.

South Florida at UConn: Another huge game for UConn. South Florida should really win this game. We’ll see if USF can get themselves back together. I think they can. The Bulls in a close one.

Minnesota at Michigan: looks like the Little Brown Jug will be staying in Ann Arbor.

A brief review of last night’s Virginia Tech game, as I channel my favorite Tech fan, Heather. Heather, to let ya’ll know, spent last Saturday night holding me as I watched the LSU-Auburn game in an inebriated panic. This is not meant to mock her, or any of the Hokie Nation. Believe me, the MLBGG knows your pain: 

Minutes 1-57: this is fantastic! This is great! Let’s check on tickets to Jacksonville, baby.  Minute 58: Ok, we’ve got the ball back. We’ ve just got another two minutes OH SWEET JESUS MOTHERF*CKER WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED HOW DID THEY GET THE G*DD*MNED BALL BACK CANT GLENNON HOLD ON WHERE IS TYROD?. Minutes 58:30 to 59:55: SOMEONE STOP HIM FROM RUNNING! HOW IS MATT RYAN GETTING AWAY FROM OUR DEFENSE WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING SOMEONE TACKLE SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! Minute 59:55-60:00: That sucked balls. And not in a good way.

(Portions of that commentary were edited for family consumption, filtered with my voice, and modified so I don’t get my a&& kicked.)

Now for the good stuff:

Miami at Vanderbilt: Vandy is the kind of team that will go balls to the wall at Georgia, South Carolina, and Florida, and then stink up the joint at home against a MAC team. So don’t be surprised when it happens tomorrow.

MSU at Kentucky: the only question I have is if Kentucky can get to 45. I think they can. Andre’ (must get the apostrophe) Woodson, I doubt ye no more. Wildcat fans, enjoy this season, because your program graduates this year, and your coach is not long for Lexington.

Ole Miss at Auburn: Here’s another SEC West game with two job openings for next year (seriously, the entire division is going to have new coaches next year, except for the Crimson Whine.  Coach Balls for Brains is still the leading candidate to take the reins at Michigan if Lloyd Carr decides to resign; Houston Nutt’s days are numbered, since he has Secretariat and Seattle Slew in his backfield, and managed to do exactly nothing of note with them this year; the crazy boosters have finally driven Coach Tuberville to the edge; Mississippi State needs to start over…and Ole Miss…how’d firing Cutcliffe go for you?). Anyhoo, I’d say this is a trap game for Auburn, them being worn out by all that scoring from last week, and rolling up on Glenn Dorsey’s knee, but Ed Orgeron’s a terrible coach, and contractually, Auburn cannot lose to more than one team from Mississippi a year.  Auburn in a close one, because that is how Auburn wins football games.

South Carolina at Tennessee: Both teams were embarassed last week. Only one team, however, has a coach who develops a nervous tick when he sees his visor wearing, squinting opponent across the field.  Steve Spurrier beats Tennessee, then finds yet another way to manage to insult Phil Fulmer. 

Finally, the SEC Game of the Week, sponsored by Home Depot on CBS, is the World’s Largest Cocktail Party. Right now, massive quantities of cocaine, weed, Jack Daniels, Makers Mark, Bombay Sapphire are entering the Jacksonville city limits in preparation for tomorrow afternoon’s tailgate/ fashion show/ meat market/ cookoff ….oh, hold up. There’s a football game, too.  The MLBGG will go with (f*ck) Florida for this one. Timmy’s groupies didn’t have to work on him quite as thoroughly after the UK  game as after the LSU game. The Timmy Show is a bit banged up in his non-throwing shoulder, so don’t expect the 57 carries a game he’s been getting most of the season against Georgia. Georgia, Georgia, Georgia. Really, it’s been all downhill since the 2005 SEC Championship, where they demolished my Tigers. The end result was the game the Angry Eer from Loser with Socks still can’t stop talking about. (An aside about that game: I was there.  I respect what the Mountaineers did at what was basically a home field for Georgia. WVU put up 28 points on the Bulldogs before they had the chance to react, and they ran out of time to catch up.  I will always continue to believe that if Georgia took WVU half as seriously as they did LSU and the rest of the SEC, the Bulldogs would have won that game going away. Unfortunately for Georgia and SEC fans who have to hear about that game being some sort of turning point, they did not. And the failure of those boys not being ready lies squarely at Mark Richt’s feet.)  The Bulldogs are the most schizoprenic team in the SEC.   You never know which team will show up from week to week. I certainly don’t. So I have to lie back, close my eyes, think of Liuzza’s, and pick the d*mned Gators.

That’s all for now. Apparently, the NFL may actually exist.  A word of caution to Boston fans who are in the grip of hubris: you are one broken collarbone from not making the playoffs, a rotator cuff from letting the Rocktoberfest (TM)back in, and a real football conference from a national champion. 

Next week is Hell Week Part Deux. I can feel the overconfidence from the Crimson Whine in my bones.

Also, I’ll tell you why the Big East will never be as good as the SEC. 

And it’s actually pretty fricking simple. Here’s a clue:

“What we’ve got to do is continue to work toward getting more speed and athleticism on the football field, particularly on the defensive side of the ball.”
— Minnesota coach Tim Brewster in the aftermath of his team’s loss to North Dakota State (It’s not your conference, but it’s close enough).

Ladies and Gentlemen, This Is Football

October 20, 2007

 I expect to be curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, around midnight. LSU and Auburn are the late night feast for those of you who can still take another shot after a veritable smorgasbord of games featuring the Greatest Conference That Is or Ever Will Be (Kickin’ Yo Ass for 75 Years).  But first, a brief review of the other SEC games today. This post is SECentric, so those unused to hard hitting defenses and weekly meaningful games among ranked teams should best stop reading now. This weekend, like every other in the SEC, is not for the faint of heart.

Briefly: I expect Arkansas to rebound against Ole Miss (or Houston Nutt should be fired today), Coach Superior to continue his experiments with the substance known as “defense” against Vandy, and for West Virginia to avoid being Croomed (but beware, my Mountaineer boosters. Beware.)

The mimosa game, as noted in a prior post,  is Tennessee at Alabama, which is only available through Lincoln Financial (formerly known as Jefferson Pilot). If you don’t have this game available to you on your local network or cable, get thee to a sports bar. Even if you are a fan of inferior football conferences, this is a game you have to see. It’s the Third Saturday in October. It’s two teams and schools that truly cannot stand each other (one of the small joys in life is to see Rocky T*ts substituting a “f*ck you” for a “sweet home” whenever she hears that song. Doesn’t matter when or where it’s being played). It’s Coach Fulmer’s last stand. It’s the annoying buzz of entitlement as the Crimson Whine builds weekly, expecting (redacted) to deliver them a national championship in the next two years. It’s wondering which Tennessee will show up: the one that put a 2X4 to Georgia’s ass, or the one that rolled over and died in the Swamp.  If you would like to commit a crime or get away with wrongdoing in either Alabama or Tennessee, today from 11:30 to 2:45 (CDT) would be an excellent time.  Because no one will be around to stop you or care. Today is the day I am an unabashed Volunteer supporter. A big ole trip to the woodshed for (redacted) would be lovely.  Go Vols!!

The main course of the day, as determined by CBS, is (f*ck) Florida at Kentucky. As I already said, I don’t think Kentucky can do it twice in a week, and I’m sure the Timmy Show will be at full capacity, having had an extra week of attention from his female classmates.  (The MLBGG does not post pictures of (f*ck) Florida players, unless they are crying like little girls, dropping passes, or making schools from other overrated conferences look like the b*tches they are. But I gotta admit, Tim Tebow is a cutie). The beauty that is SEC football is available to the whole nation at 3:30 on CBS.

Finally, there is game that the boys at Everyday Should Be Saturday described as one of the five or six best in the country every year. It’s almost always an ESPN Instant Classic. It never ends without controversy, something strange happening, or without a name. It is the late game of the evening, Auburn at LSU at 9 pm (EDT).  The last three games have been decided by eight points. Total.

This website provides some excellent Auburn and game information in a sane and surprisingly literate manner for an Auburn fan. (sorry, just had to get that bit of haterade in there.) http://www.trackemtigers.com/. Auburn’s current defensive coordinator, Will Muschamp, was LSU’s defensive coordinator for the only national championship won in 2003. He is something else. Watch him tonight for lots of f-bombs. Delightful.  He also turned down (redacted)’s offer to be his defensive coordinator at the Crimson Whine, preferring to stay with Coach Tuberville. So while I can’t stand his currrent employer, I have no objection to Coach Muschamp.  Looks to be another head coach in 2008, if he wants to do so. (An aside: I really can’t stand that Tommy Tuberville is not an arrogant prick, and has been persecuted by his crazy boosters. It makes it harder for me to hate him. And I like to hate other SEC coaches, some of whom make it sooo easy.)

You people out there in lesser-conference land might have bands on the field.  You might have Fifth Downs. You might have last second passes in the Big House.  But none of you have a game that caused an earthquake.  We’ll take your fans rushing the field, and top you one seismic event! 

This is not a game for Pac-1.5 or Big East fans to watch. They may go cowering in fear due to the sheer brutality on the field. Coach Tuberville said that his players were sore for two weeks after last year’s 7-3 Auburn victory (in which LSU was screwed. But no time for bitterness today. Must direct positive mental energy to LSU defense. Even more, must direct energy to LSU offense). Speaking of offense, Early Doucet is finally back this week.  He will likely be broken in two, but as long as he holds on to the ball while being broken, I am unconcerned.  I have no smack for this game. I don’t have the nerve to have smack for this. LSU is beat up from last weekend, Auburn’s kicker is a freshman (18-year-old boy= too stupid and cocky to be scared) with giant balls and some substance other than blood running through his veins (no John Vaughn incidents this year), Coach Tuberville (and please remind me, crazy Auburn boosters, who are you getting that’s better than him?) seems to live for these huge games, and the pressure is all on my Tigers. LSU’s main advantages are the 92,000 seat Tiger Stadium at night, and the fact the Auburn offense is the opposite of high powered.  I am going to be sick watching this game. My stomach will churn. My friend James and I will be engaged in semi-hysterical ALL CAPS text messages.  I will crack the glass of the house I’ll be at, and send the dog howling under the bed.  I will be praying to every deity there is.

And I can’t fucking well wait for it.

(This is an f-bomb sort of game).

XOXO, Your Mean Lil’ Black and Gold Girl.

The Time for Mourning is Done

October 18, 2007

It’s time for another weekend of football, so my period of mourning must end. But first, a little post-mortem on the LSU-UK game. Many other sites have done in depth analyses, so I won’t re-do what’s already been done well. 

 My response to the game was to engage in a stream of profanity for well over four hours, which was occasionally punctuated by a high pitched scream. Then at the end of regulation, I turned off my phone. Then I kept screaming. The Kentucky offensive line deserves high praise, as does Andre Woodson. As much as I’d like to blame the coaches, Gary Crowton and Les Miles did not drop a perfectly thrown pass that would have made the game 31-14 in the 4th quarter. Coach Pelini did not blow a 27-14 lead on his own.  LSU had the chance to put the game away late and did not.  The Tigers had the chance to make stops, and didn’t.  But they can’t dwell on that game, as the other Tigers from the middle of nowhere are coming into the unfriendly confines of Tiger Stadium.

I am seeing a repeat of last year’s game, as both teams will be utterly worn out from their supreme efforts of last weekend (unlike some teams from other conferences, that continue to play in-state rivals). Auburn totally shut down the Arkansas offense (Felix Jones and the DMcFE), avenging last year’s loss.  (And I understand that Coach Tuberville took some time to tour the Arkansas weight room and athletic dorm). Last weekend must be put out of the team’s collective psyche (defense, that means YOU). LSU must find a way, through whichever unit, to put up 3 touchdowns.  The Tigers can’t let it come down to Auburn making a field goal, because Wes Bynum has downright elephantine testicles, and liquid nitrogen running through his veins.  If LSU can get to that magic number of 21, Auburn will have a very hard time, because they generally can’t score that many points.  Obviously Auburn shut down The Darren McFadden Experience, but I can’t tell if that is a result of Houston Nutt being an idiot who didn’t get him enough touches, Arkansas having absolutely no passing threat, Houston Nutt being a moron, or Auburn’s defense being that good. It’s likely a combination of all those factors.  Let’s reward the faith the computers and pollsters still have, eh, darlings?: LSU 21 Auburn 13

Now, lets skip back to Thursday, and what really is the Big East Game of the Year, South Florida (2!) at Rutgers.  I’m not going against the Bulls. I know that Rutgers ran all over the Bulls last year, but that was last year.  I’ll just put it like this: if the Bulls weren’t scared at Auburn, and shut down The Greatest Offensive System in the History of College Football (TM), then they aren’t gonna be scared of Thursday night in New Jersey.  I’d make some joke about some Rutgers fan popping a cap in the Bulls’ ass, but that’s just as likely to happen in Tampa.  South Florida continues the dream season.

Mississippi State at WVU: The Moutaineers have had a couple of weeks to get ready, and MSU just exhausted themselves against the Volunteers (good job not blowing that game, Coach Fulmer).  The Bulldog defense is capable of giving West Virginia fits for most of the game; however, the offense is prehistoric and run by a kid who couldn’t start for a top Texas high school team.  The Moutaineers should win against the Bulldogs, but other superior teams have been Croomed before.  My West Virginia people have been warned.

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh:  Bearcats, as Brian Kelly continues his job interview. Boy, does Pitt suck! If your coach tears his achilles three days before your game, the football goddesses are not on your side.

Texas at Baylor: Texas. I got nothing else. I just mention the Longhorns because one of my friends is a fan. Did you know Mike Singletary went to Baylor? I think that was the high point of that program’s existence.

Oklahoma at Iowa State: To top Texas, Oklahoma will feel compelled to hang 70 on the Cyclones. And they will succeed.

Vanderbilt (we can read!) at South Carolina: I think Coach Superior will use the Commodores to experiment on. If the ‘Cocks had the offense, Coach Superior would run up the score.  Poor things. Vandy always does put up a good fight, but they usually fail. 

Tennessee at Alabama: A measure of how far this game has fallen this season: instead of being the SEC Game of the Week on CBS, sponsored by Home Depot, or an ESPN prime time game, The Third Saturday in October is now the 12:30 game on the network formerly known as Jefferson Pilot. (I don’t know what it’s called now). Let’s see.  I really want Tennesse to stomp on Alabama and smack them around like the crimson clad bitches they are. The game is at Alabama. Alabama does not have the talent that Tennessee has.  Fulmer has not managed to blow a game in a couple of weeks.  Therefore, Alabama and their traitorous bastard of a asshat coach will win. 

USC at The Pyrite Dome: Perhaps this week, USC will remember how to put up 70 points again, and realize that their fourth string could start at the Pyrite Dome. Come on, Trojans! America is counting on you.  If the Trojans don’t win by 20, something is seriously wrong.

Michigan State at Ohio State:  Ohio State continues its tough Big Ten Plus One schedule. Michigan State has begun its annual tailspin.  Ohio State.

Florida at Kentucky: The SEC Game of the Week, on CBS.  Boy, the best option for me would be for a sinkhole to open up under Commonwealth Stadium, revealing yet another massive Kentucky cave complex.  That, unfortunately, is unlikely to happen.  The question for Kentucky is if they can duplicate last weekend’s effort. The only thing in their favor is that the game is in Lexington. I don’t know the Wildcats can repeat last weeks heroics against LSU. (f*ck) Florida is coming off a weekend off and two losses, which are likely to make the Gators very, very angry. Back to back comebacks are hard, especially in the SEC.   I’ll do something which makes my skin crawl and my stomach flip: I will pick the rested Gators and the Timmy Show to win at Kentucky.  Enjoy this season before your program graduates and your coach moves on to another job, UK fans. I understand Nebraska will have an opening available soon.  

That being said, if Wildcat fans rush the field again if Kentucky beats the Gators….act like you’ve been there before, people.

There are some other games that I have virtually no interest in:

Texas Tech @ Missouri:  Go with the over.

Cal @UCLA: everything says that Cal should win this game easily. So I’ll pick UCLA.

Kansas at Colorado: Colorado. I still think Kansas is a mirage.

Kansas State at Oklahoma State: Kansas State, just because purple is my favorite color…

Oregon at Washington: …but I’m not crazy. The ugly uniforms win.

Michigan at Illinois: Illini fans, there was a reason Ron Zook got fired. You are about to find out why.  Michigan. (The MLBGG is an unabashed Wolverine supporter for the remainder of the 2007 season, as she yearns to see the team that lost to a 1-AA team win the “Big” Ten Plus One. I’m sending some positive thoughts to Mike Hart’s ankle.)

There’s nothing in the ACC worth discussing. The big ACC game is next week, Boston College (who’s played no one) at Virginia Tech (who was dismantled)(Strange things will be afoot at the home of my favorite Tech fan that night. I guarantee it).  I was thinking that there were no meaningful ACC games on this weekend, and then I realized Florida State and Miami are facing each other. Ten years ago, discussions of that game would have opened Sportcenter. Now it’s just filler bewteen the SEC main courses.  Enjoy all the Wake Forest and Virginia you want, ACC boosters, but you better hope that Miami and FSU can get back to what they were sooner than later.

Mike Hart is definitely expected back against Minnesota.

That’s all.

Oh, for one week, the NFL does exist.

The SEC Channel

October 12, 2007

In a move that will only fuel the fire of every other conference not capable of inspiring such flights of literary fancy,  ESPN.com has a multi-story package on the Greatest Conference That Is or Ever Will Be:

Southern Living: A Weekend in the Life of the SEC

 http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/notebook?page=sec/weekend

There were 150,000 people at the LSU-Florida game. Tiger Stadium seats 92,000. That is why the SEC is the SEC, and ya’ll are not.

I can’t wait to read the angry comments from Big Ten Plus One, ACC,  and Pac 1.5 fans.

Games of Interest to Me

October 12, 2007

So anyhoo, we have what is apparently a “dead” weekend in college football. But we know better. There is no such thing. Just when it seems that nothing can ever top last weekend, this weekend happens. There’s a new Instant Classic and the national title picture is blown to hell every weekend. And that is why we watch. That and the chance to start drinking at 10, when College Gameday comes on.  Since I have things to do, a brief overview of games of interest to me. As always, we begin with The Greatest Conference That Is Or Ever Will Be (Celebrating 75 years of Kicking Yo’ Ass), and the Game of the Week, brought to you by the Home Depot:

http://www.ilovewavs.com/TV/Sports/TV%20Theme%20-%20CBS,%20College%20Football.wav

LSU is traveling to the scene of one of the most storied games in Tiger history, where the students had a severe case of premature celebration.

As good as that was, here’s hoping that there’s no need for a Bluegrass Miracle. I don’t think there will be. This has been advertised since the start of the season as a potential trap game for LSU.   But can it really be one, since everyone has discussed it as such? This ain’t the Pac 1.5, where starting quarterbacks in the top half of the league believe that the other team shouldn’t even be on the field.   Every kid in the SEC (and especially at LSU, where it took some last second heroics to beat Ole Miss last year), knows that an “off” day means a loss (hulllo, Auburn!), and anything less than your best means you’re flying home a loser.   Besides, Coach Pelini and Coach Crowton are doing too well on their job interviews to mess it up now.  Kentucky has a subpar running game which should not pose a threat to the Tigers front seven. Although Andre Woodson is a fine quarterback and is doing beautifully under the tutelage of Randy Sanders (hee hee hee), he is immobile, and not the type of quarterback (see: Tim Tebow) that has given LSU trouble this year. He’ll be heaving and heaving the ball into the air, and although Kentucky probably has some of the best receivers in the SEC, the more you throw, the more you get picked off.  This game goes like almost every other LSU game this year: uncomfortably, almost WTF close through halftime, and a nice lil’ pull away due to some defense.

Tennessee at Mississippi State. If Mississippi State wins this game, exactly zero SEC fans will be surprised.

South Carolina at North Carolina: Basketball season starts soon, Tarheels.

Auburn at Arkansas: If Arkansas only had something resembling a passing game and a coach who was sane. The Darren McFadden Experience will have 2 touchdowns, 175 yards (and Felix Jones will score at least one more, and have 100 yards), and Arkansas will still lose. This was one of the big shockers of last season, and put The DMcFE on the map as one of the top players in college football. He still is and will be after this game, but Auburn will win.  After the game, Tommy Tuberville will not take the team plane back to Auburn, but will discuss the details of his new contract with the Arkansas boosters, and try to convince Jones and McFadden to stay another year.

Boston College at Notre Dame: Go Eagles!! I know that Pyrite Dome boosters think that last week was the start of the a new era for The Greatest Coach Who Ever Has Blessed College Football with His Presence(s), and the Greatest Quarterback College Football Has Ever Seen, but what that was Karl Dorrell sucking.  There are few things that motivate Boston College like playing at Notre Dame. And BC (boy, this sucks to admit) is much better than it used to be. Boston College, big.

Arizona at USC.  Poor, poor, poor Wildcats. They drew a bad hand, getting the golden children the week after they forgot that Stanford actually is a Division I-A team.  If USC scores less than 50 (by the half), I’ll be surprised. (PS…things haven’t gone well since Arizona stomped on the Eye of the Tiger. Coincidence? I think not. PPS…looks like the Indian burial ground curse afflicting the Team of Which I Do Not Speak is about to hit the Men of Troy. Hope that Saint Reggie only took that money in 2005. I wonder if the NCAA makes schools give back the hardware?)

Oregon State at Cal:  If it was at Oregon State, I might give them a chance. As it is DeSean Jackson will probably be the Heisman front runner after this game. Damned hippies.   A more interesting thing than the game itself will be finding references to Beavers chopping down the smelly sacred grove where the hippies are protecting the tree nymphs from the athletic department.

Just for laughs: Louisville at Cincinnati. Hee hee hee. Just for the heck of it, Louisville.  Brian Brohm does not suck. The poor child’s Heisman was stolen from him by his defense.

Wisconsin at Penn State: Joe Pa gets sideline rage, attacks Wisconsin coach via cart. Whiteout, tradition, yada, yada, yada. Really, who cares? Ohio State will win the Big Ten Plus One anyway.

Virginia Tech at Duke.  Virginia Tech. That’s really all I’ve got.

Texas at Iowa State: Hope the Longhorns got a shot to cure that case of the Mack Brown they came down with a couple of weeks ago.  An 0-3 conference start means a trip to the Lawnmower Seasonal Diamond Friendliness Bowl, brought to you by Capitol One.

The Battle of Florida, 2007 Edition: Central Florida at South Florida.  I’ll go with South Florida, just because I would love to see them as the Big East BCS rep. But this is certainly a dangerous game for the Bulls. UCF wasn’t scared of Texas, so I don’t see USF having any intimidation factor at all.

And finally, as I promised, the Big Ten Plus One Pillow Fight for All Time…or at least I thought it was before Northwestern sent Michigan State on the first step of the annual tailspin. This is actually gonna be a fun game to watch, if by fun, you mean no defense and resembling the 1960s AFL.  Northwestern lost to Duke, Duke, at home.  Minnesota is just abominable. This game comes down to the interceptions that Minnesota’s QB will heave into the air. 1000 yards of offense, 4 Minnesota interceptions, 2 Northwestern turnovers,  and a 45-38 score. Boy, firing Glen Mason sure was a great decision!

That is all for now. Love, MLBGG.

Watch this space, as we prepare for Big East-SEC showdown number 2: Mississippi State at West Virginia.

PS… F*ck Florida

PPS….Alabama and their traitorous f*cking coach sucks.

I knew I had missed something.