Archive for the ‘Saints’ Category

The Championship Quarterbacks- Elisha Nelson Manning, the Baby of the Family

January 16, 2008

I think this is a trick picture.

Eli Manning

And so is this. But it’s not fair for me to just put pictures that reflect my mental picture of him:

Eli Manning

That was after he tripped over his own lineman, whom  Chad Lavalais pushed backward, at the 2003 LSU-Ole Miss game, which decided the SEC West, a game which was the start of the only national championship run that season.

IRVING, TX - JANUARY 13:  Quarterback Eli Manning #10 of the New York Giants walks off the field after defeating the Dallas Cowboys in the NFC Divisional Playoff game at Texas Stadium on January 13, 2008 in Irving, Texas. The Giants defeated the Cowboys 21-17.  (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)

Here’s one after the game this past Sunday in Dallas.

Not a  bad shot above.  He just doesn’t do anything for me. Probably because I’m sick of hearing about him, too ( his daddy is still legend in New Orleans, and he grew up not ten minutes from my house in NOLA, so it’s even worse than Brett Favre.)  And he’s goofy looking as heck, if not quite the potato head that his middle brother is. 



December 28, 2007

 That is all.

From  IDontLikeYouInThatWay

I thought I was an only child

October 24, 2007

Ladies and gentlemen, please meet the Chicks in the Huddle.

The Time for Mourning is Done

October 18, 2007

It’s time for another weekend of football, so my period of mourning must end. But first, a little post-mortem on the LSU-UK game. Many other sites have done in depth analyses, so I won’t re-do what’s already been done well. 

 My response to the game was to engage in a stream of profanity for well over four hours, which was occasionally punctuated by a high pitched scream. Then at the end of regulation, I turned off my phone. Then I kept screaming. The Kentucky offensive line deserves high praise, as does Andre Woodson. As much as I’d like to blame the coaches, Gary Crowton and Les Miles did not drop a perfectly thrown pass that would have made the game 31-14 in the 4th quarter. Coach Pelini did not blow a 27-14 lead on his own.  LSU had the chance to put the game away late and did not.  The Tigers had the chance to make stops, and didn’t.  But they can’t dwell on that game, as the other Tigers from the middle of nowhere are coming into the unfriendly confines of Tiger Stadium.

I am seeing a repeat of last year’s game, as both teams will be utterly worn out from their supreme efforts of last weekend (unlike some teams from other conferences, that continue to play in-state rivals). Auburn totally shut down the Arkansas offense (Felix Jones and the DMcFE), avenging last year’s loss.  (And I understand that Coach Tuberville took some time to tour the Arkansas weight room and athletic dorm). Last weekend must be put out of the team’s collective psyche (defense, that means YOU). LSU must find a way, through whichever unit, to put up 3 touchdowns.  The Tigers can’t let it come down to Auburn making a field goal, because Wes Bynum has downright elephantine testicles, and liquid nitrogen running through his veins.  If LSU can get to that magic number of 21, Auburn will have a very hard time, because they generally can’t score that many points.  Obviously Auburn shut down The Darren McFadden Experience, but I can’t tell if that is a result of Houston Nutt being an idiot who didn’t get him enough touches, Arkansas having absolutely no passing threat, Houston Nutt being a moron, or Auburn’s defense being that good. It’s likely a combination of all those factors.  Let’s reward the faith the computers and pollsters still have, eh, darlings?: LSU 21 Auburn 13

Now, lets skip back to Thursday, and what really is the Big East Game of the Year, South Florida (2!) at Rutgers.  I’m not going against the Bulls. I know that Rutgers ran all over the Bulls last year, but that was last year.  I’ll just put it like this: if the Bulls weren’t scared at Auburn, and shut down The Greatest Offensive System in the History of College Football (TM), then they aren’t gonna be scared of Thursday night in New Jersey.  I’d make some joke about some Rutgers fan popping a cap in the Bulls’ ass, but that’s just as likely to happen in Tampa.  South Florida continues the dream season.

Mississippi State at WVU: The Moutaineers have had a couple of weeks to get ready, and MSU just exhausted themselves against the Volunteers (good job not blowing that game, Coach Fulmer).  The Bulldog defense is capable of giving West Virginia fits for most of the game; however, the offense is prehistoric and run by a kid who couldn’t start for a top Texas high school team.  The Moutaineers should win against the Bulldogs, but other superior teams have been Croomed before.  My West Virginia people have been warned.

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh:  Bearcats, as Brian Kelly continues his job interview. Boy, does Pitt suck! If your coach tears his achilles three days before your game, the football goddesses are not on your side.

Texas at Baylor: Texas. I got nothing else. I just mention the Longhorns because one of my friends is a fan. Did you know Mike Singletary went to Baylor? I think that was the high point of that program’s existence.

Oklahoma at Iowa State: To top Texas, Oklahoma will feel compelled to hang 70 on the Cyclones. And they will succeed.

Vanderbilt (we can read!) at South Carolina: I think Coach Superior will use the Commodores to experiment on. If the ‘Cocks had the offense, Coach Superior would run up the score.  Poor things. Vandy always does put up a good fight, but they usually fail. 

Tennessee at Alabama: A measure of how far this game has fallen this season: instead of being the SEC Game of the Week on CBS, sponsored by Home Depot, or an ESPN prime time game, The Third Saturday in October is now the 12:30 game on the network formerly known as Jefferson Pilot. (I don’t know what it’s called now). Let’s see.  I really want Tennesse to stomp on Alabama and smack them around like the crimson clad bitches they are. The game is at Alabama. Alabama does not have the talent that Tennessee has.  Fulmer has not managed to blow a game in a couple of weeks.  Therefore, Alabama and their traitorous bastard of a asshat coach will win. 

USC at The Pyrite Dome: Perhaps this week, USC will remember how to put up 70 points again, and realize that their fourth string could start at the Pyrite Dome. Come on, Trojans! America is counting on you.  If the Trojans don’t win by 20, something is seriously wrong.

Michigan State at Ohio State:  Ohio State continues its tough Big Ten Plus One schedule. Michigan State has begun its annual tailspin.  Ohio State.

Florida at Kentucky: The SEC Game of the Week, on CBS.  Boy, the best option for me would be for a sinkhole to open up under Commonwealth Stadium, revealing yet another massive Kentucky cave complex.  That, unfortunately, is unlikely to happen.  The question for Kentucky is if they can duplicate last weekend’s effort. The only thing in their favor is that the game is in Lexington. I don’t know the Wildcats can repeat last weeks heroics against LSU. (f*ck) Florida is coming off a weekend off and two losses, which are likely to make the Gators very, very angry. Back to back comebacks are hard, especially in the SEC.   I’ll do something which makes my skin crawl and my stomach flip: I will pick the rested Gators and the Timmy Show to win at Kentucky.  Enjoy this season before your program graduates and your coach moves on to another job, UK fans. I understand Nebraska will have an opening available soon.  

That being said, if Wildcat fans rush the field again if Kentucky beats the Gators….act like you’ve been there before, people.

There are some other games that I have virtually no interest in:

Texas Tech @ Missouri:  Go with the over.

Cal @UCLA: everything says that Cal should win this game easily. So I’ll pick UCLA.

Kansas at Colorado: Colorado. I still think Kansas is a mirage.

Kansas State at Oklahoma State: Kansas State, just because purple is my favorite color…

Oregon at Washington: …but I’m not crazy. The ugly uniforms win.

Michigan at Illinois: Illini fans, there was a reason Ron Zook got fired. You are about to find out why.  Michigan. (The MLBGG is an unabashed Wolverine supporter for the remainder of the 2007 season, as she yearns to see the team that lost to a 1-AA team win the “Big” Ten Plus One. I’m sending some positive thoughts to Mike Hart’s ankle.)

There’s nothing in the ACC worth discussing. The big ACC game is next week, Boston College (who’s played no one) at Virginia Tech (who was dismantled)(Strange things will be afoot at the home of my favorite Tech fan that night. I guarantee it).  I was thinking that there were no meaningful ACC games on this weekend, and then I realized Florida State and Miami are facing each other. Ten years ago, discussions of that game would have opened Sportcenter. Now it’s just filler bewteen the SEC main courses.  Enjoy all the Wake Forest and Virginia you want, ACC boosters, but you better hope that Miami and FSU can get back to what they were sooner than later.

Mike Hart is definitely expected back against Minnesota.

That’s all.

Oh, for one week, the NFL does exist.

Games of Interest to Me

October 12, 2007

So anyhoo, we have what is apparently a “dead” weekend in college football. But we know better. There is no such thing. Just when it seems that nothing can ever top last weekend, this weekend happens. There’s a new Instant Classic and the national title picture is blown to hell every weekend. And that is why we watch. That and the chance to start drinking at 10, when College Gameday comes on.  Since I have things to do, a brief overview of games of interest to me. As always, we begin with The Greatest Conference That Is Or Ever Will Be (Celebrating 75 years of Kicking Yo’ Ass), and the Game of the Week, brought to you by the Home Depot:,%20College%20Football.wav

LSU is traveling to the scene of one of the most storied games in Tiger history, where the students had a severe case of premature celebration.

As good as that was, here’s hoping that there’s no need for a Bluegrass Miracle. I don’t think there will be. This has been advertised since the start of the season as a potential trap game for LSU.   But can it really be one, since everyone has discussed it as such? This ain’t the Pac 1.5, where starting quarterbacks in the top half of the league believe that the other team shouldn’t even be on the field.   Every kid in the SEC (and especially at LSU, where it took some last second heroics to beat Ole Miss last year), knows that an “off” day means a loss (hulllo, Auburn!), and anything less than your best means you’re flying home a loser.   Besides, Coach Pelini and Coach Crowton are doing too well on their job interviews to mess it up now.  Kentucky has a subpar running game which should not pose a threat to the Tigers front seven. Although Andre Woodson is a fine quarterback and is doing beautifully under the tutelage of Randy Sanders (hee hee hee), he is immobile, and not the type of quarterback (see: Tim Tebow) that has given LSU trouble this year. He’ll be heaving and heaving the ball into the air, and although Kentucky probably has some of the best receivers in the SEC, the more you throw, the more you get picked off.  This game goes like almost every other LSU game this year: uncomfortably, almost WTF close through halftime, and a nice lil’ pull away due to some defense.

Tennessee at Mississippi State. If Mississippi State wins this game, exactly zero SEC fans will be surprised.

South Carolina at North Carolina: Basketball season starts soon, Tarheels.

Auburn at Arkansas: If Arkansas only had something resembling a passing game and a coach who was sane. The Darren McFadden Experience will have 2 touchdowns, 175 yards (and Felix Jones will score at least one more, and have 100 yards), and Arkansas will still lose. This was one of the big shockers of last season, and put The DMcFE on the map as one of the top players in college football. He still is and will be after this game, but Auburn will win.  After the game, Tommy Tuberville will not take the team plane back to Auburn, but will discuss the details of his new contract with the Arkansas boosters, and try to convince Jones and McFadden to stay another year.

Boston College at Notre Dame: Go Eagles!! I know that Pyrite Dome boosters think that last week was the start of the a new era for The Greatest Coach Who Ever Has Blessed College Football with His Presence(s), and the Greatest Quarterback College Football Has Ever Seen, but what that was Karl Dorrell sucking.  There are few things that motivate Boston College like playing at Notre Dame. And BC (boy, this sucks to admit) is much better than it used to be. Boston College, big.

Arizona at USC.  Poor, poor, poor Wildcats. They drew a bad hand, getting the golden children the week after they forgot that Stanford actually is a Division I-A team.  If USC scores less than 50 (by the half), I’ll be surprised. (PS…things haven’t gone well since Arizona stomped on the Eye of the Tiger. Coincidence? I think not. PPS…looks like the Indian burial ground curse afflicting the Team of Which I Do Not Speak is about to hit the Men of Troy. Hope that Saint Reggie only took that money in 2005. I wonder if the NCAA makes schools give back the hardware?)

Oregon State at Cal:  If it was at Oregon State, I might give them a chance. As it is DeSean Jackson will probably be the Heisman front runner after this game. Damned hippies.   A more interesting thing than the game itself will be finding references to Beavers chopping down the smelly sacred grove where the hippies are protecting the tree nymphs from the athletic department.

Just for laughs: Louisville at Cincinnati. Hee hee hee. Just for the heck of it, Louisville.  Brian Brohm does not suck. The poor child’s Heisman was stolen from him by his defense.

Wisconsin at Penn State: Joe Pa gets sideline rage, attacks Wisconsin coach via cart. Whiteout, tradition, yada, yada, yada. Really, who cares? Ohio State will win the Big Ten Plus One anyway.

Virginia Tech at Duke.  Virginia Tech. That’s really all I’ve got.

Texas at Iowa State: Hope the Longhorns got a shot to cure that case of the Mack Brown they came down with a couple of weeks ago.  An 0-3 conference start means a trip to the Lawnmower Seasonal Diamond Friendliness Bowl, brought to you by Capitol One.

The Battle of Florida, 2007 Edition: Central Florida at South Florida.  I’ll go with South Florida, just because I would love to see them as the Big East BCS rep. But this is certainly a dangerous game for the Bulls. UCF wasn’t scared of Texas, so I don’t see USF having any intimidation factor at all.

And finally, as I promised, the Big Ten Plus One Pillow Fight for All Time…or at least I thought it was before Northwestern sent Michigan State on the first step of the annual tailspin. This is actually gonna be a fun game to watch, if by fun, you mean no defense and resembling the 1960s AFL.  Northwestern lost to Duke, Duke, at home.  Minnesota is just abominable. This game comes down to the interceptions that Minnesota’s QB will heave into the air. 1000 yards of offense, 4 Minnesota interceptions, 2 Northwestern turnovers,  and a 45-38 score. Boy, firing Glen Mason sure was a great decision!

That is all for now. Love, MLBGG.

Watch this space, as we prepare for Big East-SEC showdown number 2: Mississippi State at West Virginia.

PS… F*ck Florida

PPS….Alabama and their traitorous f*cking coach sucks.

I knew I had missed something.

What now? Another hurricane?

September 26, 2007

 Deuce McAllister is one of the best people in the NFL, and one of the every-five-year-or-so NFL caliber players who came from Ole Miss. Sigh.  This is his second season ending knee injury in three years, and just about makes me tear up (and I’m not exaggerating).

Seriously, God, the Fates, Karma, Nemesis, the Furies, Odin, Krishna, Kali, Osiris, Zeus, the Muses, Quetzlcoatl and the Sky God owe us.   We gave you jazz, cajun food, the offshore oil industry, Mardi Gras, Louis Armstrong, the French Quarter, a lot of the seafood consumed in the US, a place to always pick on if you were feeling bad about how messed up your city was, and oh, yeah, the actual physical existence of our city itself, sacrificed through the good graces of the Corps of Engineers and the oil and gas industry.

Can we get more than one good season in a row, and not have our hearts broken the next?

Oh, and cornerback Jason David is out with a broken arm. Since he wasn’t covering anyone anyway, this is no great loss


September 25, 2007

Not to panic, dear readers, but should I go for the:

a) traditional paper bag.

b) hijab, or islamic head scarf, with the fleur-de-lis with sunglasses.

c) burqua, the tent thingy with the eye screen the Taliban make women wear, with the fleur-de-lis.

d) ski mask…actually, no. I’d probably get shot.

e) sunglasses and big hat, pulled low to hide the face.

 Your input is most welcomed!

Semi-NFL related notes

September 21, 2007

According to Page Six, Kim Kardashian is now “dating” Terrence Howard (most famous for “Hustle and Flow” and his light eyes,  andmost recently in “The Brave One”), instead of the Savior of My Franchise. I say good riddance. Maybe now he can get back to concentrating on football instead of Kim’s unusually large-for-a-white-girl, soon to be in Playboy, and already on the internet with Ray Jay behind. 

(Of course, if Big Kim and Reggie were dating November 2006 through 5 PM on January 14, 2007, then I beg her to dump Terrence Howard’s old, wrinkled self, and come back to Reggie.  It’s not just him who needs the Power of the Kardshian Ass, it’s the Gulf South and the Katrina Diaspora. Think of the children, Kim. Think of the children.)

(Those Kardashians love them some black folk, eh?)

 In NFL news that won’t made you feel slightly sticky or turned on, depending on what you think about Ms. Kardashian and her potentially detrimental/ positive effect on Saint Reggie, Kevin Everett, the Bills’ player who was paralyzed from the neck down is flying home to Houston, and will try to stand up in the next few weeks, and his doctors are expecting he will walk again.  That is an absolutely beautiful thing.  I’m petitioning the NFL now- if he’s up to it, make him an honorary captain for the Super Bowl, and let him participate in the coin toss.  I’ll sure cry.

The Dennis Franchione Era at Texas A&M continues to go well (snicker).  Texas A&M was either overrated, or Miami showed a flash of being Miami. The ACC gets its first big out of conference win last night, so hooray.  Let’s hope Randy Shannon can get Miami back up to snuff and do it the right way.  Eveyone needs a villain, and college football (and the ACC) needs Miami to not suck. As for Franchione, it’s a good thing re ran out on Alabama, because he would have been fired by now.

There will be no discussion of the NFL on this blog*

September 17, 2007

Well, looks like I won’t be discussing the NFL much this year, specifically a team out of the NFC South.*  But before I never discuss the NFL again for this season: Cincinnati’s defense is really, really bad. I think it took 3 0r 4 games to Cleveland to score that many points last year.  It would br nice if we had someone on the Saints who could tackle. Doesn’t seem like much for ask for.  On a positive note, both of my fantasy teams are doing OK. I’m looking for the Patriots to shut down the Chargers without tape assisstance so I don’t regret benching Philip Rivers for a second week in a row. Starting the Jags’ defense was a good move for me, and Tony Romo continues to get me major points.  

Well, that’s my NFL coverage for the year. Sorry, Courtney. 

So anyhoo, the latest polls came out, and when I’m wrong, I’m wrong. The Mountaineers dropped to number 5, after Florida leapfrogged to number 3 based on their-I’m not sure what to call that game- of Tennessee. A couple of WVU fan sites bitched and moaned on the conspiracy against them and the Big East, specifically bitter about the bias shown by some of the commentators who come from conferences that are not the Big East. Eh.

Anyone actually taking anything that airhead Herbstreit says to heart probably deserves a coronary he can give them.  Welcome to the world of the SEC, WVU boosters. Florida is annointed as the top team every year, and the team to beat every year before the first snap is taken.  The media are just dazzled by the fact Pete Carroll lets them in to meet the players, and watch their “Fun Friday” practices. It’s not just what you put on the field. Pete Carroll talked himself into a share of LSU’s national title, Les Miles talked a 2-loss LSU team that didn’t even reach the SEC Championship into a BCS bowl, and well, Charlie Weis talked himself into being the second coming of Knute Rockne. Seriously, why do you think Rutgers is ranked 11th after having beaten Navy, Norfolk State, and Buffalo? Think the proximity to the New York media has anything at all to do with it? Your coach has to talk up your team as the greatest thing ever.  For whatever reason, that doesn’t happen with the Mountaineers.

Mountaineer fans, since LSU and Florida are both ahead of you, the trick is not to lose to now ranked South Florida on September 28, as Florida should drop, and the Mountaineers should move up, bar any other blowouts of co-conference teams by Cal, Wisconsin or Texas.   That November 8 Louisville game is having the potential to be less and less meaningful. I will make this -not-so-bold statement right now: Louisville will not be ranked by the time of the former Big East Game of the Year.  Their defense is just not good enough. Louisville will have a chance to take out its frustrations on Syracuse next week. They ought to be able to beat North Carolina State, but I think Tom O’Brien will have that team a little more together by the time that game takes place in two weeks.  Utah makes for an interesting Friday night (but I will be engaged in idiocy, or rather supporting the Idiot Brigade), and then Cincy has a defense that the Cardinals do not. I can’t say what the 2 losses will be, but I think Louisville comes out 1-2 from the next three games, dropping them out of the top 25.  The Cardinals are then at UConn, and host Pitt. Again, those should be easy games, but Pitt does have some talent.  WVU fans, once again, you need Louisville to step up until November 8.  Louisville not being as good as advertised hurts you. I’ve gotten the texts about the emergence of Cincinnati, but I’m sorry. It’s Cinncinnati.   Cincinnati being good gives the Big East no weight with the powers that be. After another five years or so, it’ll stop being the school where Bob Huggins used to give kids second chances to go the NBA and not graduate.  South Florida has definitely gotten the media attention that gives the BE the hype it needs (thanks to beating Auburn in Jordan Hare, overrated SEC team or not).  Rutgers plays Maryland next, and needs to beat up on Maryland just like WVU did.  South Florida has North Carolina next, and should be able to win that game before facing WVU. Then USF plays Florida Atlantic and UCF, neither of which should be taken lightly.  Let’s put it this way: if that F_U school wasn’t scared about playing a Big Ten, albeit one that has been fair to middlin’ since I was alive, and UCF wasn’t scared (at ALL) of Texas, they won’t belive anything about USF other than they can beat the team that ruined the Moutaineers’ 2006 and sent Auburn on a downward spiral. 

For purposes of your season, I am going to assume that Mississippi State University will suddenly become an SEC juggernaut, so that after Slaton, White and Devine combine for 550 rushing yards against the MSU defense, which will be on the field for 45 minutes. thet will be part of the WVU argument for a top five ranking and a trip to the national title game.  WVU fans, I will be joining you in watching a team that even your defense should feel no fear of, a quarteback that your defensive backs can intercept at least twice. Then, feel free to point out beating up on MSU and the 2005 Sugar Bowl as signs of a massive power shift away from the traditional powerhouses, and toward West Virginia and the Big East.

(Chick moment: has anyone seen “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style” on Bravo? He is just so utterly fabulous.  I’d love to go on one of those shows.)

But enough about the Big East. Admittedly, the Best Conference That Ever Was or Will Be isn’t having a great season through these first weeks (given that there are only six teams in the Top 25). Next week, LSU plays South Carolina, which is no gimme game (as Florida can attest); luckily, the game is in Tiger Stadium and Les Miles wasn’t in the conference when Spurrier coached (f*ck) Florida, so he doesn’t seem to be subject to that black magic juju. October 6 is against (f*ck) Florida, so we get to see if LSU deserves to be ranked second. If LSU can beat (f*ck)Florida and run the table (to face (f*ck) Florida again in the SEC Championship, the original and still the best), LSU has a date against someone in New Orleans on January 7. I can’t say who, as USC has shown a tendency to relax in one game they should win over the past few years. A one loss LSU team, as long as that loss is to the Evil Empire in the October 6 game (F*ck Florida), still has a better shot at the national title than an undefeated WVU, or any undefeated BE team, which now does not include Louisville.  LSU is at Kentucky, hosts Auburn, which would love to spoil the Tigers’ season (but not as much as they would love to beat Alabama), before heading to Alabama to face Coach (redacted), that traitorous bastard. (Now if you THINK you know SEC hype, WVU boosters, just wait until that game if Alabama manages to remain ranked through that period. I’m already sick of hearing about the return of the Crimson Tide.) LSU then has a couple of games against La Tech, and Ole Miss (and there are no easy SEC games, but Ole Miss is pretty bad), before finishing hosting the DMcFE at Tiger Stadium Thanksgiving weekend.  It’s a heck of a season coming up.

That’s all for now.

Apparently, the Patriots don’t need to cheat to win, although it seems to add the extra spicy touch for Belicheck.  Hail to you, people with Tom Brady on your fantasy teams. He’s thrown for 140 yards in a quarter.

*Discussions of the NFL are subject to my team not reverting back to traditional status.

Your inboxes should be less full now

September 7, 2007

Hey ya’ll. I’m finally doing it, after a couple of friends have encouraged me to write a blog, rather than clog their e-mails with my epic smack on a weekly basis from August through February.  So you asked for it, and I’m here, The Mean Lil’ Black (and Gold) Girl. I’ll be posting  about things I love, namely the SEC, the Saints (yipes), putting down the Big East and the other B-S conferences, and whatever pops into my fevered little brain.  My blog is a dictatorship, but a benevolent one, and I welcome your criticism, which I will feel free to ignore.

This opening post is from an e-mail I already sent out to my friends/ frenemies during Big East-SEC contests, Big Ten-SEC contests (you get the idea).  I was astoundingly Cassandra-like, given what happened last night. I possess the power to get an NFL game turned on at the gayest bar in Washington DC (and get the gay porn and dance videos turned off), yet I am powerless to do anything about the Saints still abominable pass defense. Looks like I can expect a couple of big games from Steve Smith, since he plays my boys twice.  Or maybe it’s just an AFC thing, and I don’t understand.

Well folks, I’m thinking I’ll be too worn out and possibly depressed tomorrow after tonight’s opening game, so it’s time to get the commentary out now. A quick rundown of the Top 25 shows some games that are supposed to be better than last week, but of course, I really don’t see how that’s possible.

Oh, before I get going, look out for next’s week’s email, tenatively “The Law Enforcement Special: Riotous and Burning Smack,” in honor of next Thursday night’s ESPN game, West Virginia at Maryland.

This e-mail will cover the Top 25 (in no particular order), SEC, Big”You’re always taking pot shots at” East, and other games of interest (to me).

So here we go, in game order:

There are three Thursday games tonight, which I will not be watching.

-Middle Tennessee State at Louisville: expect Louisville to run up the score.

Oregon State at Cinncinnati: Huh? Beavers beat Bearcats. (I liked typing that, but does anyone know what a Bearcat is, other than a thuggish juco recruit being given a “second chance” by Bob Huggins? Oh wait, that’s now a Mountaineer!)

-Navy at Rutgers: Love those spunky Navy kids, but if Rutgers doesn’t win this by 20, they and everyone else should reconsider their status as a Big East contender. Ray Rice should seriously have 200 yards and 4 touchdowns.


The Game of the Day: Virginia Tech at LSU, which one clever blogger dubbed the “Tragedy Bowl.” (Strike Zones and End Zones)

(Did anyone see the Seinfeld where George was trying to get the co-op against an Andrea Doria survivor: Hey, we’ll see your 32 dead people by 1500 more, including some that drowned in their attics, plus add in a non-responsive federal government and our campus being turned into a refugee camp! Fats Domino in our star quarterback’s apartment! Fats Domino! Beat that, suckers!)

Anyhoo, as I leave my quick detour into the land of bad taste,  LSU is a 12.5 point favorite over VT. I think LSU covers that, but only because the LSU defense is  much better than the Virginia Tech offense.  I wouldn’t look for scillintilating offenseive football. I see Sean Glennon running for his life and failing miserably. The LSU offense isn’t great, but Matt Flynn won’t try and make something happen where nothing exists, which means turnovers should be limited. Even Les Miles should have the special teams looking for the block, and itty-bitty Trindon Holliday (he weighs less than the Golden Boot, the trophy for the Arkansas-LSU game that has been safely enconsed in the LSU trophy case for some time now) is really, really, really fast. It will be uncomfortably close, and my stomach will hurt, and I will drunkenly text message various friends. But LSU wins. The crowd does make a difference.

West Virginia at Marshall: The Friends of Coal Bowl (boycotted by one John Bailey). I don’t care that this is an in-state game. Bob Pruett either was 1) a genius; 2) made some sort of pact with the devil. In either event, Marshall has sucked spectacularly since he left, and there’s no reason for that not to continue now.  This should be similar to last week for WVU.

Nebraska at Wake Forest: I still doubt Bill Callahan. It doesn’t matter to me if Nebraska wins the Big 12 this year, beats Texas (Mack Brown needs another savior/ QB) or lucks out against Oklahoma. But WF’s starting QB is not playing due to his separated shoulder, so I’ll go with Nebraska.  

Miami at Oklahoma: five or six years ago, this would have been the game of the week, a potentially epic ESPN instant classic. Now it’s just gonna show how much more Miami needs to do to rebuild. Oklahoma big over Miami.

Akron at Ohio State: No one ever complains about the patsies Ohio State always has on its schedule. That’s because Ohio State can point out that the schools are all in-state rivals, and that it was a competitive series back in 1920. Ohio State, not suffering from Michigan-itis.

La-Monroe (formerly Northeastern) at Clemson: Watch this happen. After smothering FSU, Clemson will find some way to make this game more interesting that it has any right to be, ant least for a quarter or so.  Clemson, although not by the 50 points it should be.

Samford at Georgia Tech: Georgia Tech started off the year so beautifully, by making Notre Dame look as bad as they are, that I can’t bring myself to say anything bad about them.  Georgia Tech.

Cal-Look we have 2 big wins-Berkley at Colorado State: So this week, the engineers and smelly hippies can go back to their normal lives and do equations on Saturdays and save the forest nymphs.  Cal wins, but in a closer game than people expect.

Fresno State at Texas A&M: Fresno State plays anyone, anywhere. And when they play good teams, they get smoked. I’m not so sure about this one, because I’ve just seen Texas A&M choke one too many times in the Franchione era. A&M is another one of those teams that’s always poised to compete for a Big 12 title, yada yada, and yet they never do. If there was any game I’d pick as an upset, it’s this one. So I’ll go out on a limb, and do so.

Boise State at Washington: I’m just picking Washington. I’ll be honest. I love the uniforms, and I can’t imagine a much better thing than Ty Willingham’s Huskies having a much better record for this season than Charlie ‘Rockne” Weis’ Irish. Plus I love the shots of the stadium.

South Carolina at Georgia: Before last week, I might have picked South Carolina to win.  That was before Georgia shut down the greatest offense on earth. I’ll go with Georgia here, although Steve Superior will find a way to make it briefly interesting.

Notre Dame at Penn State: last year, Notre Dame won this game 47-17. This year, I don’t think Notre Dame will reach double digits. And that makes my heart glad.

Troy at (f*ck) Florida: Now, Troy is not to be taken lightly, and has given teams fits in the past. Florida wins, but it may be fun to see Troy not get run off the field until the second half.

BYU at UCLA: UCLA.  (I really have nothing to say about this game.)

TCU at Texas: So last week, it took some late game heroics to ensure that Texas didn’t become a second Michigan as they faced Arkansas State. I feel a creeping case of the Mack Brown coming on for the Longhorns: superior talent with unsuperior coaching+motivated team with a lot to prove=sad, drunk night in Austin. And the last time Texas played a purple team, whoa, Nellie! I’m not saying it hits this week, but the Mack Brown is gonna hit hard sometimes this season.

Southern Miss at Tennessee: Um, I hope that the Vols’ defense was sufficiently embarassed last week to show up this week.  I’m gonna go with Tennessee here, in what should be at least a 14 point win, but I foresee bad juju ahead if things go wrong, and Southern Miss wins this game.  As I previously stated, this is NOT Murray State the Vols are playing.

Hawaii at La Tech: First of all, I’ve always found the whole concept of “Lousiana Tech” to be an amusing one. Not that there are not engineers in Louisianabut I’m pretty convinced that most people’s technical genius has gone into building a better fishing boat, grill, or deep fryer, or some way to dispense alcohol in the most efficient yet tasty manner possible.  And La Tech is in the north, which I like to call “Texas.”  In any event, Colt Brennan scores 17 touchdowns, etc, etc, what an offensive show, yada yada yada. Only the thick air can keep Hawaii under 60.

South Florida at Auburn: here’s the game that many experts are picking for the upset. And that, my friends in the Big East looking for that upset, is your and South Florida’s problem. Auburn is Philly to Alabama’s New York. They are the red-headed, left handed stepchild who managed to graduate as valedictorian from high school, get a doctorate from an Ivy League school, and still gets the package of socks for Christmas from grandma, while the blood relative gets a golf trip to Hilton Head.  If there is any coach and any team that thrives on being disrespected, it is the Auburn Tigers and Tommy Tuberville. Bobby Petrino almost had Tommy Tuberville’s job one year before he went undefeated.  I see a locker room with blown up clips about how K-State almost won, and the explosive South Florida offense, headed by their adorable little quarterback (he’s like Flutie-size), and the speedy defense that shut down WVU’s two Heisman candidates.

And then I see that same adorable South Florida QB on the sidelines after he’s been knocked out in the first quarter.

Auburn, baby.

Wisconsin at UNLV: Is it too early to anoint them Big Ten champs, send them to the Rose Bowl, and be done with discussing that conference?

Other games of interest (to me): 

Grambling State at Pitt. I sure hope Grambling wins, as they are 1-AA, or whatever duma&& name the NCAA gave 1-AA. Better yet, I hope the band goes up. Because that would be cool. Pitt should win, though. Bleh.

Duke at Virginia:

If Duke gets its first win in what…2 years…against Virginia, Al Groh should be fired the same day. But UVa may just be that bad.

Oregon at Michigan (snort): I wondered why I hadn’t discussed this game in my Top 25, and then I remembered, and then I started to giggle, and then it turned into the cackling sound that I make. Part of me wants Oregon to crush Michigan, sending them on a huge tailspin and knocking Mike Hart irrevocably out of the Heisman race (because he did put on a show last week, the only bring spot in the Medium House). But then I thought, wouldn’t it be AWESOME if Michigan got it together, and won the Big Ten, and the Rose Bowl rep lost to a 1-AA team? So I will now be a Michigan fan for the rest of the season.

Alabama at Vanderbilt: Go Vandy!! If not, I’ll have to listen/ feel/ telepathically receive noise from Alabama about how they’re back, and the Tide will win the West, and yada yada, so on so forth.  PS.. F*ck (redacted).

Mississppi State at Tulane: If MSU can’t beat my alma mater, they should forfeit the remainder of the season, fire Sylvester Croom, and cancel the football program until such time as they are ready to start handing over cash hand over fist.

Kent State at Kentucky: this is no gimme for the Wildcats, as a couple of teams learned last week. Iowa State lost at home to Kent State.  I still think no one wants a case of Michigan-itis, so I go with Kentucky.  But the MAC is not to be trifled with lightly, which brings me to…

Miami of Ohio at Minnesota: New coach, four less idiotic players, all hyped up….and then there goes Bowling Green. Miami has usually been better than Bowling Green. Another loss to the MAC before a schedule that includes three of out of the four Big Ten heavyweights (and yes, I still count Michigan for that purpose) does not make for a bowling season.